Hiba's Special Gift in Marriage Season

Are you or anyone you know getting married this winter? In the heat of the marriage season, for a limited time (till the end of February), Hiba brings you the gift of four great articles:

1) "Romance in Islam" by Sheikh Abdur Raheem Green

Why do we find the subject of romance fascinating? It has psychological, biological and cultural reasons in the backdrop. As humans, we move towards pleasure. We tend to escape pain. We are looking for certainty in life. However, sometimes we are searching for variety to avoid boredom, too. We all wish to be significant in some way, and we all are in search of love. Romance encompasses all six the above needs, which humans wish to fulfill in varied degrees... read more...

2) "Isamic Etiquettes of Intimacy" by Muhammad Mustafa al-Jibaly

Sexual intimacy between spouses is allowed and encouraged in Islam. It is indeed a great favour from Allah (swt) that He does not blame those, who lawfully fulfill their desires. Rather, He permits it and even rewards it. Allah (swt) has said in the Quran:“Successful indeed are the believers…those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts) except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, for then, they are free from blame; but whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors.” (Al-Muminoon, 23:1-7) There are a number of guidelines, however, that one should observe, when intimately approaching one’s spouse... read more...

3) "Balancing a Budget – A Wife’s Predicament" by Umm Isam

Maurice Baring once said: “If you would know what the Lord thinks of money, you have only to look at those to whom He gives it.” I couldn’t help but laugh heartily. Scores of people scanned past my eyes, whom I would feel most undeserving of the privileges they enjoy, yet there they are rich and rolling in bucks. Who are we to say? Now, let’s think in terms of our personal relationships and explore, whether money really makes a marriage happier... read more...

4) "Murder Most Casual" by Sumaiya Saleem

“Mommy!” I looked up at the two-year-old, who was standing on the threshold; he was simply adorable, with his unruly black hair, deep blue eyes and red lips, which were now trembling, as if he was trying hard not to cry. A closer look made me gasp in horror: his eyes were bright with unshed tears and one of his arms was missing. His shoulder was bloody, indicating that someone had ripped off his arm. He was no more than a baby: who could have been cruel and heartless enough to treat him like this? ... read more...

Enjoy the articles and refer them to your friends, while the texts are still online!

Jan/Feb/March, 2012, issue of Hiba

The new issue of Hiba magazine is out! Highlights from this issue:
(1) "Romance in Islam" by Sheikh Abdul Rahmeen Green
(2) "Halal Options for Investment" by Ayesha Ashraf Jangda
(3) "Handling Financial Difficulties the Sunnah Way" by Umm Musa and Muhammad Rasheed
(4) "Murder Most Casual" by Sumaiya Saleem

For information on obtaining your issue of Hiba, call (+92) 213-5343757 or write to editor@hibamagazine.com.

Information Warfare

By Absar Kazmi

In approximately 653 Hijri, Halaku Khan, grandson of Genghis Khan, attacked Iraq. He deposed and killed the Khalifah, plundered the vast resources of the Islamic State, massacred the citizens, and took complete control. For any common observer it was clear that a ruthless and powerful leader had taken advantage of his strength to conquer and oppress a weaker people. Halaku Khan himself would probably not have denied this.

A few years ago, Iraq was attacked again. The leader was deposed and recently killed; the vast resources are being plundered; the citizens are daily being massacred and raped. However, this time, strangely enough, the conquerors are claiming that they are not oppressing the people at all; rather, they are liberating them.

In these strange days, when the so-called ‘civilized’ nations have united in war against ‘terror’ (all those, who would dare to oppose their system), we see a conflict - both physical and verbal. Many of us fail to see that contrary to the days of old, today the greater war is not the physical war with guns, tanks, and cluster bombs, and it is not limited to any particular geographic location. Rather, the greater war of today is an intellectual war - a battle to win the hearts and minds, a war, in which the weapon is information. The true winner in this war of information is the one, who manages to control the public opinion. The physical battles we witness are merely symptoms of this deeper and much more sinister conflict.

Why things have changed? The ‘Halaku Khans’ of today have realized something very important - it is much more effective to enslave a people psychologically than physically. A people enslaved only physically may not be ready for an immediate revolt, but hatred for their conquerors would always remain in their hearts. However, a psychologically enslaved people will come to regard the ideology and culture of their conquerors with awe and admiration, while beginning to perceive their own religion, culture, and even race as inadequate and inferior. Thus, they will willingly accept subjugation.

Living in the age of information, we may feel that we are somehow more aware of what is going on around us. We must realize, however, that often it doesn’t really matter how much information we can access but how that information is presented. Information presented incorrectly or selectively can literally make the good seem evil and portray the oppressor as the oppressed. The following are some of the manipulation methods used for achieving this:

Association. If two unrelated objects are shown together enough times, eventually, people will begin to associate them. In the 19th and early 20th century, black people were often illustrated and described in the American media as ugly and stupid; therefore, they came to be regarded as such by the common public. Over the past few decades, the same media has helped to change this image by portraying the blacks as attractive, intelligent, and creative.

Outright Deception. An example of outright deception by the media is the recent uproar in Pakistan waged against the Hudood Ordinance. According to numerous local newspapers, many hundreds of women are currently serving time in prison, because they claimed they were raped but were not able to produce witnesses, as was supposedly stipulated within the Hudood Ordinance. The truth is that the Hudood Ordinance does not require any witnesses in the case of rape. Also, according to Mufti Taqi Usmani, a former chief justice, not a single woman was sent to prison for lack of witnesses, while he presided.

Playing with Words. In the media, people practicing Islam in its totality are often referred to as extremists, whereas those, who practice only selectively or do not practice at all, are referred to as moderates. The implication of this, of course, is that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) himself was an extremist, because he brought these commandments and ordered all Muslims to follow them.

Another example is the recent war between Lebanon and Israel. For gaining public sympathy, the western media was constantly claiming that Israeli soldiers had been kidnapped by Hezbollah and Hamas. Soldiers do not get kidnapped - they are held as prisoners of war.

Selective Sharing of Information. There are numerous examples of half truths being used by the current American and British administrations in order to gain approval for their attack on Iraq.

The sudden exposure to western media coupled with such other factors as general lack of critical thinking, ignorance of Islamic ideology and history, as well as lack of Muslim role models, has had a devastating effect on Muslim societies. The Muslim youth have developed a major inferiority complex and have blindly begun to ape western culture. Many have also started calling for changes in Islam, in order to bring it more in line with western ideals. At the same time, these youth have begun viewing those working on promoting Islamic teachings as backward, naïve, and out of touch with reality.

It needs to be clarified that information, specifically the media, is a tool, which can be used for both constructive and destructive purposes. However, the way it is presently used, especially by the western powers, is clearly not in favor of Muslims or Islam. There are a number of things we can do to protect ourselves and our families from becoming casualties in this ideological war:

Learn History. Specifically, Islamic history. Attacks are already being waged against the character of our Holy Prophet (SAW) as well as other personalities from Islamic history. We must arm ourselves with information, in order to defend our faith.

Think Critically. Don’t just take information for granted. Question what you hear, if it doesn’t make sense to you. Question this article! Learn to ponder and think about what has been said to you. Do not place teachers and scholars on such high pedestals that you are afraid to question them (respectfully of course). Imam Malik was once sitting near the grave of Rasool Allah (SAW). He pointed to the grave and said: “You can accept or reject from anyone, except the owner of this grave.”

Verify Information. Allah has commanded us in the Quran to verify information, when it reaches us. Don’t just sit in front of CNN or FOX news, accepting everything you hear; rather, verify it against other media sources, such as Al Jazeerah and even Haaretz.

Minimize Television Viewing. Television is not a very interactive form of media, as we really cannot control, what we are viewing. Therefore, we must try to narrow down television viewing only to educational content and always accompany our children, while they are watching television.

Become a Role Model. There are very few Muslim role models in the world today. Thus, if we do not take the responsibility for becoming a source of guidance and inspiration to our own children, they will probably find some other source, which, most likely, will not be a source we approve of.

Finally, we must constantly pray to Allah as our beloved Prophet (SAW) taught us: “O Allah, help us to see the truth as truth and give us the ability to follow it; and help us to see the falsehood as falsehood and grant us the ability to abstain from it.”

Islamic Etiquettes of Intimacy

By Muhammad Mustafa al-Jibaly
"Hiba" (Jan/Feb/March, 2012)

Sexual intimacy between spouses is allowed and encouraged in Islam. It is indeed a great favour from Allah (swt) that He does not blame those, who lawfully fulfil their desires. Rather, He permits it and even rewards it. Allah (swt) has said in the Quran:

“Successful indeed are the believers…those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts) except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, for then, they are free from blame; but whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors.” (Al-Muminoon, 23:1-7)

There are a number of guidelines, however, that one should observe, when intimately approaching one’s spouse.

Privacy The two spouses should retreat to a private room. They should draw the curtains and close the doors to ensure that no one, not even a small child, will be able to watch them. Covering the Awrah in front of individuals other than the spouse is an important obligation.

Beautification The two spouses should beautify themselves for each other. Each of them should wear clothes and perfume that pleases the other partner. They should brush their teeth and ensure that no foul odour comes out of their mouths or bodies. They should also avoid clothes and other adornments that are either prohibited in Islam or are known to be specific for the disbelievers and/or the decadent. Ibn Abbas said: “I like to beautify myself for my wife as much as I like her to beatify herself for me.” (Quoted by Ibn Jareer at-Tabari in his Tafseer)

Foreplay The two spouses should indulge in various acts of foreplay that may include light talk, love expressions and intimate gestures such as kissing. The husband should not rush into intercourse, until he feels that his wife is ready for it. He should be especially kind and gentle with her on the first few nights of their marriage.

It is permissible for both the spouses to undress completely – Ahadeeth refraining the same are weak in grade. However, it is advisable to hide one’s intimacy under a shared cover for protection from anyone (a child, for instance), who might unexpectedly come within close range.

Remember Allah (swt) The two spouses must mention Allah’s (swt) name and the following supplication: “Bismillah; Allahumma jannib nash-Shaytaan; wa jannib ish-Shaytaana ma razaqtana.” (“With the name of Allah; O Allah, keep Satan away from us and keep him away from what you grant us.”)

According to the Prophet (saw), once this Dua is recited, Satan will not be able to harm the child, who is born as a result of that intercourse. (Bukhari and Muslim)

It is important for the spouses to recall the important goals of their intimacy and the reward that they expect for it from Allah (swt). They should, at the same time, beware of Satan’s plotting, who will whisper to them and attempt to entice them to introduce acts of disobedience into their intimacy.

Position During intimacy, both spouses take any position that is enjoyable and comfortable for them. Allah (swt) says:

“Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will, and send (good deeds, or ask Allah to bestow upon you pious offspring) before you for your ownselves. And fear Allah, and know that you are to meet Him (in the hereafter), and give good tidings to the believers (O Muhammad (saw)).” (Al-Baqarah, 2:223)

Ghusl A Ghusl must be performed to attain purity after intimacy. Between successive intercourses, it is sufficient to wash one’s private parts and perform ablution only.

Prohibited Acts of Intimacy

1) Anal Intercourse. This is a major sin that must be avoided, as per the following Hadeeth: the Prophet (saw) said: “Verily, Allah forbids you from having intercourse with women in their rectums.” (At-Tabarani)

2) Intercourse During Menses. Spouses are forbidden from performing intercourse, if the wife is menstruating. Such intercourse is harmful for both the husband and the wife; moreover, it is a major sin. Spouses may, however, enjoy other forms of intimacy. Allah (swt) has instructed:

“They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they have purified (from menses and have taken a bath). And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allah has ordained for you (go in unto them in any manner as long as it is in their vagina).” (Al-Baqarah, 2:222)

3) Exposing Intimate Secrets. It is prohibited for a man to expose his wife’s secrets, especially in matters of intimacy that, except for him, no person would normally know. This might include birthmarks, reaction to certain intimate acts and so on. Exposing such secrets might induce mistrust and fear in her heart.

The Prophet (saw) said: “Indeed, among the people who will have the most grievous position before Allah on the Day of Resurrection is a man who, after he intimately approaches his wife and she intimately approaches him, exposes her secret.” (Muslim and Abu Dawood)

Conclusion

At all times, spouses must maintain a realization of Allah’s (swt) closeness and watchfulness. This realization should guide and control one’s actions – even during moments of intimacy and pleasure. Furthermore, one should nurture a feeling of gratitude that Allah (swt) has facilitated the fulfilment of one’s desire in a lawful and pleasurable way. This actually turns the fulfilment of desire to a rewarded act of worship.

Adapted (with permission) from “Closer than a Garment: Marital Intimacy according to the Pure Sunnah” published by "Al-Kitaab & as-Sunnah Publishing". Compiled for “Hiba” by Umm Ibrahim.

Romance in Islam

By Shaikh Abdur Raheem Green

Hiba (Jan/Feb/March, 2012)

Why do we find the subject of romance fascinating? It has psychological, biological and cultural reasons in the backdrop. As humans, we move towards pleasure. We tend to escape pain. We are looking for certainty in life. However, sometimes we are searching for variety to avoid boredom, too. We all wish to be significant in some way, and we all are in search of love. Romance encompasses all six the above needs, which humans wish to fulfill in varied degrees.

Allah (swt) gifted Islam to us for fulfilling our needs. Our beautiful Deen recognizes and understands our innate nature. Unlike Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity and some sects of Judaism, Islam is not monastic in nature. Marriage is a confirmed Sunnah of the Prophet (saw), and he has declared it to be half of our faith. Marriage is the means to fulfill our desire to love and be physically intimate in a permissible manner. And if we follow the Sunnah, romancing our spouse becomes a means of worship, too.

The problem has occurred as we have moved away from the real teachings. In Asian communities, culture is infused in the minds of many. It has affected our understanding of marriage and romance consequently.We are exposed to the western cultural values in such intensity and quantity like never before. Western culture today is based on capitalism, materialism, secularism and consumerism. Their way of dealing with people is to create desires in them for following their passions and encouraging them to buy. They appeal to the biological/psychological need of their consumers, as they believe that sex sells. Naturally, the end product of this all is nudity and immorality. They call it love and romance. But in reality the dimensions and nature of romance are linked to Hollywood and Bollywood culture.

Today, many Muslim lands are not occupied physically, but their minds have been occupied psychologically. This is the worst form of occupation - it is called mind control. Because this is how we have gone astray and this is how we have become extremely unhappy. In Islam, romance is embedded within marriage. When marriages fail, societies crumble. Similarly, what we saw in the UK riots in 2011 were disturbed youth hailing from loveless homes. They were greedy for Duniya, because their souls were hollow. Their parents’ marriages had not worked out, and, hence, they were deprived of familial upbringing and belonging.

Culturally, some common ills that are plaguing are marriages based on duty, loveless marriages, children not being able to relate to the ideals of marriage of older generations, forced marriages, etc. (A forced marriage is invalid in Shariah in any case. Mutual consent of both partners is a pre-requisite for Nikah to be valid.) Mental coercion by parents to marry cousins or relatives. Marriages to mates that are physically unattractive, etc.

The West also went through a similar myriad of issues, and, hence, evolved a romantic idealism. Early Europe was pre-dominantly Christian, but their faulty approach to marriages forced them to find love outside Halal relationships. This is how fantasy stories like Romeo and Juliet were born. This is how romantic poetries, plays, movies and songs came into being.Shaitan attacks through Shahwat (desires) and Shubuhat (doubts). When Shaitan discovered this void in married relations, he filled it with extremism. In some cases, he converted people towards monasticism. That is to become cold fish and have no sex. Naturally, that would square marriages and societies. On the other extreme, he led them to become obsessed, envious, form romantic liaisons and behave like Casanovas. Creating imbalance is where Shaitan wins. And Islam exhorts to tread only the middle path.

Shariah is designed to protect the institution of marriage, so that societies can thrive. The connection between romance, marriages and prospering societies is deeply linked.There is a famous story of a monk, who was entrusted with the care of a girl. Her brothers were traveling to a far off land to engage in war and had no one to look after their sister. Hence, after they departed, the monk would leave a bowl of food outside his door for the girl to come and collect.

One day, Shaitan whispered to the monk that it might be safer for the girl to stay at her own house and that he should leave the food at her door. So they altered the arrangement, and the monk would leave the food at the girl’s door.

Then, the Shaitan advised the monk that maybe he should stay to ensure that the girl has collected the food and then leave, so that he knows that she is doing well. The monk followed Shaitan’s advice.

Next, Shaitan influenced the monk to talk to the girl to ask about her well-being, as she might be feeling lonesome. The monk did just so, and soon he and the girl became very close.

The monk committed adultery with the girl upon Shaitan’s prompting, and the girl became pregnant. Now, he killed her and buried her out of fear of disgrace - an idea stirred by Shaitan again.

When the brothers returned, Shaitan revealed to them, what the monk had done, and they had him captured and brought before the king. The king ordered the monk’s execution. Just before the monk was being prepared to be beheaded, Shaitan appeared again and promised to salvage him, if the monk prostrated before the Shaitan. The monk in desperation prostrated before him and was killed soon after.

See how Shaitan set a conniving trap and corrupted a saintly man, who ultimately died a disbeliever. For this very reason, Allah (swt) forbids us even to go near situations that may lead to sins. Today, in the pretext of romance, many such behaviours occur. What should be encouraged is not paid attention to – for example, early marriages. Quite often, it is parents themselves who are the problem. They wait so long for their kid’s education to finish that the appropriate suitors are not interested anymore. Doors are left wide open for dating, free inter-mixing, non-observing of Hijab and segregation, physical touching, even if that means casual handshakes (human touch is where sexual desires arise), roaming gazes, casual sex, fornication, etc.

Haste is from Shaitan, except in arranging marriages for your daughters. The Prophet (saw) stated: “If somebody comes to you, and you are pleased with his character and religion, then marry him. If you do not, there will be discord on earth and widespread corruption.” (Ibn Majah)Another aspect is that men and women have been created differently on purpose. Every husband and wife should have a deep understanding of each other’s basic behaviour, especially for marriages to prosper. For instance, when women talk out their troubles, they do not necessarily seek solutions. They want to receive empathy/ sympathy. But when men discuss their problems, they are searching for solutions.

Prophet (saw) was beyond par excellence in understanding the intrinsic nature of his wives. In order to benefit the Ummah (especially women, who were widowed/ divorced/ left single), he exercised polygamy and encouraged multiple spouses for others, if one could do justice among them, as he did. All nine wives were immensely in love with him, as he treated them all uniquely.

When he entered his home, he didn’t treat his wives like slaves fetching for his needs. Instead, he happily served them and his other family members. He would milk the goats, mend his clothes and help clean the house. During traveling for an expedition, he realized, how monotonous and long the journeys were back then - he would go up to his wife’s Hodaw (carriers on camels) for a chit chat. Twice he asked the caravan to march forward, just to be alone with Ayesha (rtaf) for racing with her out of play and fun. He would take Ghusl with her in the same bath tub and drink from the spot of cup, where she had drunk from. When her father Abu Bakr (rtam) once raised his hand on Ayesha (rtaf), because she was arguing with the Prophet (saw), he intervened for saving his wife and playfully reminded her about it later, when they were alone.

There were no material comforts in the Prophet’s (saw) house - he set the highest standards of simplicity for himself, his family and for the Ummah to come. So much so that when his wives requested for a raise in their allowance, he parted from them for thirty days. They later willingly agreed to continue living under same circumstances, as none of them could bear to be separated from the Prophet (saw).

The messenger of Allah (saw) cared for his spouses’ emotional well-being with gentleness and kindness. He approved of physical attraction and the closeness it generated. Hence, they all loved him dearly, willing to make any kind of sacrifices. However, he did not surrender, where Shariah or materialistic issues were under consideration. Today, the couples make a grave mistake - they ignore the aspects of physical intimacy and emotional empathy; instead, they try to please each other with Haram substitutes and materialistic endeavors that are not sustainable. Hence, romance dies.

Even after Prophet’s (saw) very first soul mate Khadija (rtaf) was long gone, he would reminisce about her: “Verily, I was filled with affection for her.”This is true love that transcends time, a deep romance between the most remarkable man in history, who changed the fate of the world, and his loving companion, who stood by him like a rock, and the memories of which never evaded the Messenger (saw) as long as he lived.

Lectureshop organized by Livedeen, transcribed for Hiba by Rana Rais Khan.

Characters can Counter Caricatures

Alia Ahmed rationalizes that as Muslims, we must learn to reply to every critic of Islam with logic and evidence.

By now, we are all well-aware of the blasphemous caricatures publication by the Danish newspaper Jyllands Posten in September, 2005. In 2006, a German paper and France Soir, a Paris daily, reprinted the cartoons. Le Temps in Geneva and Budapest's Magyar Hirlap also played their part. Spain's ABC newspaper and Periodico de Catalunya put on display the photographs of papers, which had published the cartoons. The list goes on, including other European dailies, such as France's Le Mande.

Muslims all over the world have condemned the publication of these caricatures and as a result, we have witnessed a variety of protests and demonstrations. There is a call from all quarters for a complete boycott of Danish products. Inevitably, this event has created deep resentment and has concurrently enraged the sentiments of the Muslim community the world over. And I feel myself a strong part of this community. But, having said that, I feel that this problem should be confronted with more suitable means.

We raised our voices when The Satanic Verses was brought into the market. We chanted slogans and sent numerous emails asking Muslims the world over to boycott all Jewish products. But did all of that bear any fruitful results? I think not.

Before reacting against any form of bigotry, we must first analyze what we eventually wish to gain from it. Do we just want to show that we are incredibly devout Muslims, who will not take a word against Islam? Or do we want to leave a lasting image on the world that no matter what you do, you cannot shake our faith, our principles and our commitment. We are a strong nation, which shall never waver, no matter how strong the trial may be Insha'Allah.

When the companions claimed loyalty to Allah's Apostle (saw), they proved every word of it by following the Prophet's (saw) Sunnah and the Quran to the core. They lived the faith and not just pay lip service. They ascertained it by passing along Allah's (swt) message to the whole world with dignity and honour, regarding it as their fundamental duty.

They earned Allah's (swt) pleasure, Who glorified them. Don't we wish to be like them? If our answer is yes, then we must first look into ourselves before we blame others. Are we the appropriate ambassadors of Islam? Are we submitting to Allah (swt) whole-heartedly or are we simply following some odd rituals with a heavy heart? Are we strong enough to observe the message brought by our Prophet (saw) and have we made it imperative upon us to deliver it to the rest of mankind?

Let's check ourselves and then our family, our neighbours and our countrymen...

The task is endless and we have a lot to do. There is no time to be wasted. One life may not be enough to cause a noticeable change. But one life, no matter how small, is enough to prove to the world that it was worth living.

Let's make a pledge to ourselves that we shall be a beacon of light for everyone around us by genuinely reflecting the image of Prophet Muhammad's (saw) Ummah. It is my conviction that if we mend our ways, the world will be at our feet. Our Prophet (saw) won the hearts of even the greatest enemies of Islam, simply by submitting completely to the will of Allah (swt). We need to step out of the shadows of respect and reverence and build up the courage for practically applying and delivering what the Prophet (saw) brought to the mankind.

Balancing a Budget – A Wife’s Predicament

By Umm Isam
Hiba (Jan/Feb/March, 2012)

Maurice Baring once said: “If you would know what the Lord thinks of money, you have only to look at those to whom He gives it.” I couldn’t help but laugh heartily. Scores of people scanned past my eyes, whom I would feel most undeserving of the privileges they enjoy, yet there they are rich and rolling in bucks. Who are we to say?

Now, let’s think in terms of our personal relationships and explore, whether money really makes a marriage happier.

In at-Tabaqat, it is narrated that Fatima (rtaf), the Prophet’s (saw) daughter, used to go hungry for days. On a particular day, Ali (rtam) noticed that she looked very pale and weak. He enquired: “What is the matter with you, Fatima?” Fatima (rtaf) answered: “It has been three days, and we haven’t found anything to eat in the house.” Ali (rtam) asked: “Why didn’t you inform me?” She replied: “On the night of our wedding, my father, the Messenger of Allah (saw), advised me: ‘O Fatima, if Ali brings you something, then eat it, and if he does not, then do not ask him.’”

How many of us have had to starve for weeks? The gravest challenge that we might face is living within our means. And, believe me, if we brace ourselves and our children for some sacrifice, patience, conditioning and a shift in our perception of ourselves and others, we can live within any income. Try living by the following rules and experience the liberation yourself.

1. Give yourself no option but to live within your income. Looking in all directions for aid and waiting for someone to bail you out (parents, siblings and friends) should be completely unacceptable to yourself.

2. Take pride in your husband’s abilities and what he is able to bring to the family. If you wear a cotton outfit and your sister wears silk, it is not your husband’s incapability to provide for more. Rather, cotton is what Allah (swt) ordained for you.
3. Spend time in the company of those, who are content with their provisions, rather than people, who complain to death. Contentment doesn’t mean being unambitious; it means submitting to Allah’s (swt) will and being happy with it.


4. Always remember our Prophet (saw) chose poverty over riches of the world. There is great wisdom behind it. If you own little, you will be accountable for less.

5. Do not choose a lifestyle that is not supported by your income. It will ensure your misery, family-rifts and may open doors to Haram (impermissible) earnings.

6. Never befriend people, who size you up by the weight of your wallet. They are truly imposters. If someone loves your family, they will accept you the way you are.

Similarly, although Islam doesn’t allow severing familial ties, you can restrict your family’s involvement with relatives, if you fear falling into Hasad (envy) or competing in a rat race.
Try to stay off TV, magazines and any public places that tempt you and your family with their hypnotizing lures.

Pray to Allah (swt) for a content and peaceful heart that longs to stay happy in whatever circumstances Allah (swt) keeps it.

Lastly, a widow once shared: “Each morning, it should be enough for every wife to find her husband beside her, breathing. For, many women have been deprived of this blessing, as their better halves left them alone on this journey of life.”

Murder Most Casual

By Sumaiya Saleem
Hiba (Jan/Feb/March, 2012)

“Mommy!” I looked up at the two-year-old, who was standing on the threshold; he was simply adorable, with his unruly black hair, deep blue eyes and red lips, which were now trembling, as if he was trying hard not to cry. A closer look made me gasp in horror: his eyes were bright with unshed tears and one of his arms was missing. His shoulder was bloody, indicating that someone had ripped off his arm. He was no more than a baby: who could have been cruel and heartless enough to treat him like this?

As I was gazing at him, a clamp appeared out of nowhere; it seized his other arm and began tugging ruthlessly. Tears spilled down the child’s face, as his blood began to flow down his shirt, dripping to the floor in silent drops. Suddenly, there was a ripping sound, and his other arm was torn away as well. Both limbs lay on the floor in a bloody mess, and I couldn’t take my eyes off from it. The clamp re-appeared, and, this time, took hold of his leg. I rushed forward to save him, but it seemed, as if an invisible force was pushing me back. One by one, his other body parts were ripped apart, resulting in a heap of blood-soaked limbs and pieces of flesh lying on the floor, until only the face was left.

“Who did this to you baby?” I asked, tears pouring down my face, as I struggled to go close to him. The child uttered a soft sigh before replying sadly: “You did, Mommy!” Just then, his head was crushed by a blow to the skull. I started screaming hysterically, as the impact of his final words struck me.

My own screams jerked me awake; I opened my eyes to see everyone staring at me in surprise and disapproval at creating such a scene in a clinic. I swiveled my head to stare at the walls that had been spattered with blood in my dreams: they were clean now, and there was no sign of any of the horrors I had witnessed. “It was just a dream,” I consoled myself.

Ten minutes later, I was being ushered into Dr. Khan’s room; it was my second appointment, so I was at ease with her. Sitting down, my first request to the doctor was to describe the procedure I would have to undergo for the abortion. I had been affected by my nightmare, and it was an almost desperate attempt on my part to convince myself that I wasn’t doing anything wrong.

To my surprise, the doctor seemed strangely reluctant to explain, and it was only after a lot of persuasion that she proceeded to inform me that since I was already five months pregnant, she would be performing a dilation and evacuation procedure on me. It included sucking the amniotic fluid out of my body and then extracting the fetus with the help of a clamp. “Do you use a clamp?” I whispered, and when she nodded in affirmation, all the blood drained from my face. “We do require a clamp, because we cannot extract the entire fetus in one part. We have to detach its limbs before the evacuation procedure. But don’t worry, Mrs. Ahmed, according to all the research I have done, the fetus doesn’t register the pain.”

“You’re planning to rip apart my baby and you have the nerve to tell me you don’t think it will hurt?” I demanded furiously.

“Pardon me, Mrs. Ahmed - I was under the impression that it was your opinion to have your baby aborted,” she replied.

“I didn’t know. I never imagined it would be this terrible, this cruel,” I whispered.

“What did you think it would be? Do you think it’s easy to extract a live human being from the uterus, where it’s clinging, and not harm it in the process? It’s not easy for me either, you know. But it’s my job, and I only perform this operation, when I get a request from the parents. I did tell you that you were too far along and it was unadvisable to have an abortion at this stage, but you insisted.” The doctor’s words, uttered in an icy tone, froze me in my tracks. I was quite willing to put the blame on her and had forgotten, who had set the ball rolling in the first place.

I was the child’s mother. I was the one supposed to protect him. It was my blood the baby was thriving on. This child was the flesh of my flesh, and I had carried it beneath my heart for five months. If I could so callously decide to tear it from my womb and discard it like rubbish, how could the doctor pity me? “Maybe you need time to think it over,” Dr. Khan suggested in a softer tone, but I was disgusted at the idea of thinking over, whether or not I wanted to kill my child.

Fifteen minutes later, I was home. The ride had passed in a blur, as I stared out of the window, unconsciously wiping away the tears that were rolling down my face. The fact that I had not known of the exact procedure did not absolve me of guilt. I should have asked for more information, before taking such a momentous decision. However, I was so worried about my life being disrupted by an unplanned pregnancy that I had never thought of the being in my body as a living entity, a part of both me and my husband. I had viewed it merely as an inconvenience. My dream had opened my eyes to the realization that my womb held not just a lifeless clump of cells but a baby, who might have inherited my black curls and my husband’s dimple.

“Mommy, I is here,” the baby announced, and I turned to the door with a welcoming smile on my lips, throwing out my arms so that Ammar could run into my arms. I held him close, smelling the clean baby scent of him; it had been almost two years since my visit to Dr. Khan and my decision not to abort my child. Now, he was eighteen months old, a laughing child with ebony curls, flashing blue eyes, the cutest dimple and the ability to wind me around his little finger. He was the exact replica of the baby I had seen in my dream; as I listened to his gurgles and nonsense baby talk, I shuddered to think, what might have happened, if I had not had that nightmare. It was due to Allah’s (swt) blessing that my son was here and not lying in some gutter in a heap of bloody limbs.

Every night since that horrific vision, I had thanked Allah (swt) that he had saved me from the Kabira (major) sin of killing my own child. The Ayat of the Quran flashed in my mind:
“And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin.” (Al-Isra, 17:31)

Mother Teresa had once remarked: “In every abortion, there are two victims: a dead baby and a dead conscience.” I had been saved from murdering both my baby and my conscience.