A wedding to remember

Saira Naeem shares a memorable wedding experience with her Tajweed teacher being the bride.

Saeeda Qamar, our Tajweed teacher, came and sat at the head of our class just like she did every day. But today she was not wearing her uniform headscarf; instead, she had a black one. I was surprised, because none of our staff members were ever seen without uniform. My classmate whispered into my ear: “She’s getting married today.” I said: “How do you know?” She pointed to her henna colored hands. Still I was not convinced enough.

Our Tajweed class started, and she kept on correcting us in the same manner as she had always done. When, at the end of the class, Saeeda Baji said an unusually long Dua and started weeping, I realized that maybe it really was her wedding day.

Our Tafseer teacher came in and said: “Do you know that your Tajweed teacher is getting married today and is moving to Karachi?”

I was amazed! I had heard about people committed to Allah (swt), who made the Quran the first priority in their lives, but I had never actually seen a person, who was going to have the so-called ‘biggest day of her life,’ and yet wanted to give her duties to Allah (swt).

She could have easily skipped the class, but this was her conviction - to stay committed till the end. Saeeda Baji said she loved all her students and asked us to hold onto the Quran, which is Allah’s blessing upon us. And her actions spoke louder that her words.

Her wedding was not going to take place in a big hotel or a park with mixed gathering, dances and songs. It was to happen in Shah Faisal mosque. I was wondering, what would the wedding be like? Will she get dressed up? Will she wear makeup? How will the guests eat in the Masjid?

We prayed Asr with the congregation in the upper ladies corner of Faisal mosque. The bride also prayed along with everyone else - not at all bothered about her dress getting messed up. Saeeda Baji was a very pretty bride. Her makeup was just enough. She did not do any back-combing - her hair was tied back nicely, with a Dopatta tucked on her head and around her bosom. She was not wearing a low neckline, quarter sleeves or extremely flashy jewelry. She did not pluck her eyebrows; YET, she was looking so peaceful and graceful.

It was the Noor of the Quran that made her look this way. Many brides spend thousands of rupees on the wedding day just to look perfect. They diet for six months to loose that extra weight, so that their figure looks nice in the tight-fitted shirt. They undergo facials, hair does and all kinds of treatments to get that perfect look. They complete their beauty sleep, take rest at home for a month or so to look FRESH on the wedding day. But this lady did not take even a day off from her commitment to Allah (swt), and Allah (swt) gave her that freshness and beauty without having to do any of the above things.

For a person, who has not experienced the miracle of the Quran, all of this might seem like a fairy tale; but trust me - seeing is believing. Allah (swt) showed me that it is possible to follow His path at any point of time - there will always be Sabiqoon Al Awaloon, who will do their good deeds at the level of Ihsan.

I asked Saeeda Baji’s mother, how they had managed the food arrangements. She said that they ordered lunch boxes plus dinner for people at home. I just thought of the expenses they had saved: hotel and food charges, different kinds of Rasms, such as Joota Chupana, Doodh Pilana extra and a whole lot more.

After returning home, I kept on thinking about this perfect wedding. This union would include Allah’s blessing and duas of all the people she had been with, whether students or colleagues. May Allah (swt) give all our teachers the greatest rewards in this world and the hereafter, and may He give me the Tofeeq to follow their footsteps, Ameen.

Mothers of believers

Sadaf Farooqi lists suggestions, which will help the expectant mothers to connect their baby to Allah (swt) already in pre-birth period.

For most it is a much-awaited, exciting development; for others, an unexpected, pleasant surprise; for some, a disconcerting event that takes time to accept. Whatever the case, being in the family way is a significant turn of events. It is the onset of one of the greatest responsibilities Allah (swt) can entrust us with – that of bearing and raising a person according to His (swt) pleasure.

Most Muslim mothers are not fortunate enough to realize what a pivotal task they have on their hands. Modern research has revealed that everything a mother-to-be feels, thinks about and believes in affects her baby, who starts hearing and recognizing her voice from the fourth month of pregnancy. Pregnant women are thus advised to stay positive, calm and happy during the gestation period for the healthy development of the baby.

So what can you, as an expectant mother, do in order to bear a pious Muslim baby with a sound heart: a baby connected to Allah (swt) from pre-birth? 

Quran recitation. If your own Tajweed is commendable, recite the entire Quran aloud throughout your pregnancy (especially after the fourth month). If that’s not possible, play the recitation of a Qari on a cassette-player near your belly, listening to it attentively yourself. This will bless both you and your baby, acquainting the latter with Allah’s (swt) words as soon as it begins to hear it and tranquilizing you in your expectant state.

Positive thinking. Satan’s ultimate aim is to make us ungrateful for Allah’s (swt) blessings. During pregnancy, a woman has many fears and apprehensions. Coupled with physical sickness, she is prone to depression and negative thinking. That’s why our Prophet (sa) said: “A woman who dies during pregnancy is a martyr.” (Abu Dawood) Count your blessings, reminding yourself that you have been blessed by Allah (swt).

Dhikr of Allah (swt). Engage in Dhikr as much as possible. Capitalize on your nine-month state of uninterrupted purity by offering supererogatory prayers besides obligatory prayers. If Ramadan falls during pregnancy, try fasting before giving up without an effort. Fasting is worship; it can be good for both you and your baby. Furthermore, join a Quran class to be engaged in Allah’s (swt) remembrance regularly. 

The best nutrition. Breastfeeding is difficult to master, but when learned it is the best Sadaqah you can give your baby. While nursing, try to be with ablution, read the Quran or a beneficial book, do Dhikr, or listen to Quranic recitation. Just relax and don’t fret about the pending household chores or the weight that you have not shed off. 

Shun useless activities. Whether during pregnancy or the initial nursing months, avoid pastimes such as gossiping, frequenting markets, watching dramas and films, reading fiction or listening to music. This time, when your baby is physically bound to you, will never return. Use it to build his/her foundation of piety.

Practice Sunnahs. When your toddler starts to speak her first words and eat a varied diet, inculcate Sunnahs into daily actions: always feed her with the right hand and only when she’s sitting; say ‘Bismillah’, ‘Alhumdulillah’, and all Duas aloud (such as on leaving the house or using the washroom). Put her clothes or shoes on right side first. 

Tranquil environment. While your infant lies playing, put up Allah’s (swt) names in the room or on a mobile overhead. Play Quranic recitation nearby; do this right up to the toddler stage. A home sans television is the ideal home for a Muslim baby; realistically speaking, however, when the television is on, keep your baby in some other room of the house, where she can play undisturbed. Avoid taking your baby to noisy gatherings.

Intellectual training. Babies deserve better stimuli for intellectual development than cartoons and musical nursery rhymes. Talk to them about Allah (swt), visit the park or seaside and give them mind-stimulating games that use numbers, alphabets and illustrations. Provide age-appropriate building blocks, Lego, markers, crayons, paper and computers. Seek the company of righteous people, frequenting circles of religious study and intellectual discussion, taking your baby with you. 

If we work hard on our babies today, we can expect our Ummah to be righteous tomorrow.

Dhulan, Jora, Jewellery and... Niqab

Shireen Husain takes us to a wedding hall for a heart-warming experience.

The occasion was  the Valima. The function was held in a grand banquet hall of a local five-stars hotel. The “stage” for the Dhulah and Dhulan was decorated with seasonal flowers and the lighting was especially arranged to enhance the photography session soon to take place. The hall itself was beautifully decorated with huge chandeliers and gracefully draped curtains in soothing colours. A soft scent of fresh flowers floated in the air, due to the abundance of fresh floral arrangements on each table. Shining crockery and cutlery laid on crisp, clean tablecloths awaiting the guests.
 

As the guests began to arrive, the soft background music was overpowered by conversations, people greeting each other, the ladies commenting on each other’s clothes and the children running around. Soon, the bride and the groom arrived, becoming the focus of attention for quite some time. Naturally, the ladies wanted a closer look at the Dhulan, her Jora and jewellery. 

My stomach was growling with hunger, as I had skipped lunch, due to a hectic schedule. However, when dinner was served, I found myself deeply engrossed in a conversation with a friend, whom I had not seen for ten years. When I finally did move towards the food, there was the usual “get some before it finishes” rush, which made me wait for my turn. While I was waiting, I happened to see a slender woman, clad in a black Abaya with full Niqab. In the small space between the tables and the wall, she was standing and eating with her face to the wall. She was facing the wall, because she had removed her Niqab, so that she could eat. 

Suddenly, all the  guests faded into oblivion, and all I could see was the lady in the abaya. Even my hunger seemed to subside. Although I could not see her face, but I was not able to take my eyes off her. Among the 800 guests, she was the only woman in an Abaya. With a slight moistening of my eyes, I felt I could almost see Allah’s (swt) Noor surrounding her, blotting out all other light in the hall. Because for His sake, she had chosen to be a stranger among the people - she had chosen to go against the tide. She had chosen not to conform or yield to the pressure of society. 

To me, she represented someone, who truly had the courage to stand up for her convictions. She had made a choice - and that choice was to please her Creator, even though it meant being different from everyone else. It did not seem to bother her in the least that people might hold her in contempt for being different, call her 'backward' and Jahil or shun her because of her 'extremist' stance. She knew whom and why she wanted to please, and this firmness of faith allowed her to be completely at peace with herself. The fact that she was obeying her Creator instilled her with a level of faith and dignity that only the believers and close slaves of Allah (swt) recognize and delight in. To her, her Hijab was much more than a covering, a piece of cloth - to her, it represented her total obedience to the Creator. Subhan'Allah! Subhan'Allah!

The Perfect Recipe

Hafsa Ahsan presents a few real life recipes for a successful marriage.

A marriage is usually said to be a blend of many different ingredients. These ingredients, on the face of it, seem quite common from one marriage to another. Every couple will name these ingredients to be love, understanding, loyalty and friendship; however, the way in which these are put together to form the perfect blend varies for every couple. And that is what actually makes every marriage unique.

"Hiba" spoke to a few newly-married wives to get their views on what they feel are the two most essential ingredients of a successful marriage.

“There are many actually - respect, forgiveness and understanding,” said Sarah Anwar, who’s been married for a year and a half. “Keeping faith in your spouse and in his/her decisions is very important, since it gives you the feeling of being secure and also makes your spouse feel more confident. Then comes respect. Once you’ve lost it, it’s gone forever. You might not believe in giving personal space to your spouse, but respecting the other person for being him/herself is very important. After all, we all have our own shortcomings. By understanding I don’t mean taking everything your relationship has to offer, but it’s better to try to see the other person’s perspective at times.”

Hania Tahir, who’s also been married for a year and a half, interestingly felt that honeymoon was an essential ingredient of any marriage. “It’s the magic ingredient that strengthens your bond and allows you to become comfortable with each other in a way that early married life with a million dinners a week can never allow. Strolling around in a foreign country, staying out late and talking, talking, talking for hours and hours brings you closer better than anything else. I credit it for laying the foundation for my marriage,” she said.  

“The second ingredient is to pick your battles. I cannot stress how important this is. There may be a thousand million things that bother you, but many of these are tiny and not worth fighting over. Before I got married, I’d have scoffed at the concept of apologizing even if you don’t mean it, but I’ve since learnt that that’s far better than both of you glaring daggers at each other,” she added.

“Willingness to cooperate with each other and trusting one’s spouse are the essential ingredients of a successful marriage,” said Faria Saleem, a wife, with a year of family life behind. “There are many issues which have to be handled diplomatically, if you want to avoid unnecessary conflicts. You have to know when to speak and when to remain silent.”

“Trust and compromise are very essential in a marriage,” said Javeria Idrees, who’s been married for a couple of years and has a baby daughter. “Trust will keep your life going and compromise within the boundaries of right and wrong will create more room for both of you.”

With new couples being aware of their issues and the ways to make a marriage work, why then does conflict arise? And what is the best way of dealing with that conflict?

“Talking the problems out,” said Sarah Anwar promptly. “You don’t have to be disrespectful while doing so, but if you keep the lava simmering inside, it’s going to take all the good things away, when it bursts. Compromise and tolerance are major factors of conflict resolution. Always believe in your spouse – whatever he is doing is for your own happiness. Plus, every individual is unique; we have conflicts even with our siblings, who are brought up by the same parents under the same condition in the same house. So how can we expect a person, who has lived his/her life in different conditions and is brought up differently, to be exactly like us?”

Hania Tahir was all for diplomacy. “Don’t raise your voice!” she advised. “Say all the horrible things you want, but disguise your tone. It makes a world of a difference. Pretend you’re being nice. At the end, profess (exaggerated, if need be) declarations of love. If you’ve exhausted your persuasion supplies, and the spouse irritatingly continues to disagree with you, swallow your pride and give up your own stance. At the end of the day, your choice is between sticking to your guns and maintaining a smooth relationship. I pick the latter, and if it means giving up a few things along the way, none of them are more important than a snarl-free marriage. Oh, and the best way to drive your spouse up the wall is to bring up something from a previous fight or something annoying you noticed two months ago. If anything comes up, resolve it as soon as possible. If more than two days pass and you’ve not mentioned it, give it up and move on. It’s not fair to your poor unsuspecting partner.”

Talking to these young wives and mothers gives the impression that they are indeed aware of the ‘what’ and ‘how’ of a marriage. It is also very encouraging to note that, based on their personal experiences, they are more inclined towards diplomatic handling of issues, rather than an emotional, spontaneous response. With so many marriages on the rocks these days, one can only hope that these young women will set an example for those around them. After all, as one mother put it: “It is not easy to give up your personal space in this age of individualism, but, eventually, you have to trust the other person in doing as minor things for you as ironing.”

Murder most casual

Sumaiya Saleem exposes the cruel reality of a less talked about murder.
 

“Mommy!” I looked up at the two-year-old, who was standing on the threshold; he was simply adorable, with his unruly black hair, deep blue eyes and red lips, which were now trembling, as if he was trying hard not to cry. A closer look made me gasp in horror: his eyes were bright with unshed tears and one of his arms was missing. His shoulder was bloody, indicating that someone had ripped off his arm. He was no more than a baby: who could have been cruel and heartless enough to treat him like this?
 

As I was gazing at him, a clamp appeared out of nowhere; it seized his other arm and began tugging ruthlessly. Tears spilled down the child’s face, as his blood began to flow down his shirt, dripping to the floor in silent drops. Suddenly, there was a ripping sound, and his other arm was torn away as well. Both limbs lay on the floor in a bloody mess, and I couldn’t take my eyes off them. The clamp re-appeared, and, this time, took hold of his leg. I rushed forward to save him, but it seemed as if an invisible force was pushing me back. One by one, his other body parts were ripped apart, resulting in a heap of blood-soaked limbs and pieces of flesh lying on the floor, until only the face was left.

“Who did this to you baby?” I asked, tears pouring down my face, as I struggled to go close to him. The child uttered a soft sigh before replying sadly: “You did, Mommy!” Just then, his head was crushed by a blow to the skull. I started screaming hysterically, as the impact of his final words struck me.
 

My own screams jerked me awake; I opened my eyes to see everyone staring at me in surprise and disapproval at creating such a scene in a clinic. I swiveled my head to stare at the walls that had been spattered with blood in my dreams: they were clean now, and there was no sign of any of the horrors I had witnessed. “It was just a dream,” I consoled myself.
 

Ten minutes later, I was being ushered into Dr. Khan’s room; it was my second appointment, so I was at ease with her. Sitting down, my first request to the doctor was to describe the procedure I would have to undergo for the abortion. I had been affected by my nightmare, and it was an almost desperate attempt on my part to convince myself that I wasn’t doing anything wrong.
 

To my surprise, the doctor seemed strangely reluctant to explain, and it was only after a lot of persuasion that she proceeded to inform me that since I was already five months pregnant, she would be performing a dilation and evacuation procedure on me. It included sucking the amniotic fluid out of my body and then extracting the fetus with the help of a clamp. “Do you use a clamp?” I whispered, and when she nodded in affirmation, all the blood drained from my face. “We do require a clamp because we cannot extract the entire fetus in one part. We have to detach its limbs before the evacuation procedure. But don’t worry, Mrs. Ahmed, according to all the research I have done, the fetus doesn’t register the pain.”
 

“You’re planning to rip apart my baby and you have the nerve to tell me you don’t think it will hurt?” I demanded furiously.
 

“Pardon me, Mrs. Ahmed - I was under the impression that it was your decision to have your baby aborted,” she replied.
 

“I didn’t know. I never imagined it would be this terrible, this cruel,” I whispered.

“What did you think it would be? Do you think it’s easy to extract a live human being from the uterus, where it’s clinging, and not harm it in the process? It’s not easy for me either, you know. But it’s my job, and I only perform this operation when I get a request from the parents. I did tell you that you were too far along and it was unadvisable to have an abortion at this stage, but you insisted.” The doctor’s words, uttered in an icy tone, froze me in my tracks. I was quite willing to put the blame on her and had forgotten who had set the ball rolling in the first place.
 

I was the child’s mother. I was supposed to protect him. It was my blood the baby was thriving on. This child was the flesh of my flesh, and I had carried it beneath my heart for five months. If I could so callously decide to tear it from my womb and discard it like rubbish, how could the doctor pity me? “Maybe you need time to think it over,” Dr. Khan suggested in a softer tone, but I was disgusted at the idea of thinking over whether or not I wanted to kill my child.
 

Fifteen minutes later, I was home. The ride had passed in a blur, as I stared out of the window, unconsciously wiping away the tears that were rolling down my face. The fact that I had not known of the exact procedure did not absolve me of guilt. I should have asked for more information before taking such a momentous decision. However, I was so worried about my life being disrupted by an unplanned pregnancy that I had never thought of the being in my body as a living entity, a part of both me and my husband. I had viewed it merely as an inconvenience. My dream had opened my eyes to the realization that my womb held not just a lifeless clump of cells but a baby, who might have inherited my black curls and my husband’s dimple.
 

“Mommy, I is here,” the baby announced, and I turned to the door with a welcoming smile on my lips, throwing out my arms so that Ammar could run into them. I held him close, smelling the clean baby scent of him; it had been almost two years since my visit to Dr. Khan and my decision not to abort my child. Now, he was eighteen months old, a laughing child with ebony curls, flashing blue eyes, the cutest dimple and the ability to wind me around his little finger. He was the exact replica of the baby I had seen in my dream; as I listened to his gurgles and baby talk, I shuddered to think what might have happened, if I had not had that nightmare. It was Allah’s (swt) blessing that my son was here and not in a heap of bloody limbs in some gutter.
 

Every night since that horrific vision, I had thanked Allah (swt) that he had saved me from the Kabira (major) sin of killing my own child. The Ayat of the Quran flashed in my mind:
 

“And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin.” (Al-Isra, 17:31)
 

Mother Teresa had once remarked: “In every abortion, there are two victims: a dead baby and a dead conscience.” I had been saved from murdering both my baby and my conscience.

To the single ones

A single woman ponders over singlehood.

Stigmatized, jinxed and pitiful - unfortunately, this is how our society regards single women. Reading columns written by ‘a single woman over thirty’ in one of the daily newspapers, I always feel that society makes sure that the greatest preoccupation of single women is to get married. The entire frenzy cooked up by the media about fairness creams, bleach creams, hair removing creams, soaps, sparkling toothpastes and what-not is geared to make her find her mate. Reality, however, is not skin-deep.

A while back, I saw a documentary that moved me deeply. It was about a woman, who was born with a birth defect. As a result of this defect, the entire lower part of her body had been amputated. Her whole life was no less than a miracle, as she was going through school and college with only half her body. Despite all of this, she got married to a normal man and had a normal baby too! Little do we realize that “When He decrees a matter, He only says to it: ‘Be!’ - and it is.” (Al-Baqarah 2:117)

It is true that marriage is one of the greatest blessings of Allah (swt) - but it is not the only blessing after all: “And if you would count the graces of Allah, never could you be able to count them.” (An-Nahl 16:18) As single women, we need to look around and start counting the numerous blessings of Allah (swt). If you are privileged enough to read this article, then count yourself among that tiny percentage of Pakistani women, who can read and write in English. Your privilege, therefore, bequeaths on you a responsibility. It is only when you sense this responsibility and realize your capability will you be able to see beyond your mundane existence.

One of my Quran teachers, who got married a while back, tried to make me treasure the time and freedom on my side of the fence. My married friends have to deal with difficult in-laws, grouchy husbands, naughty children and the whole plethora that comes with marriage. The gloss of new jewellery and clothes wears off in no time. The parties for the new couple do end one day, and that’s when the reality bites. I do not mean to undermine the institution of marriage - my point is simply to make all of us, single women, treasure the blessings of singlehood. 

When I turn the pages of Muslim history to look for role models of single women, I am quite lost. Perhaps, this is a wistful comment on modern life. Today, we see numerous unmarried women, whilst in the early days of Islam we are hard put to find any. This gives rise to pressures on finding the right man for yourself. It is easy to give in here to Satan’s temptations: online dating and chatting with the opposite gender are just so easy nowadays. Only the realization that Allah (swt) is watching keeps the hormones under control. Prayer and fasting are tools which reinforce Taqwa (God-consciousness). 

We learn from a Hadeeth of the Prophet (sa) narrated by Abdullah bin Masud (rta) that Allah’s Messenger (sa) said: “O young men, those among you, who can support a wife, should marry, for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and preserves one from immorality; but he, who cannot afford it, should observe fast, for it is a means of controlling the sexual desire.” (Muslim)

I remember the time, when I got an opportunity to read Surah Rahman right in front of the Holy Kaaba in Makkah. I had read Surah Rahman countless times before, but at that moment there was one aspect of this Surah that struck me the most: every description is in pairs - be it a description of fruits of Jannah or the dwellers of Paradise, Hell and Heaven, men and Jinns and one can go on and on. Allah (swt), the Only One, has created everything in pairs, which is what makes everything complete. I am reminded of the following verse of the Quran: “Glory be to Him, Who has created all the pairs of that which the earth produces, as well as of their own (human) kind (male and female), and of that which they know not.” (Ya-Sin 36:36)

The fact that every woman and every man on the face of this planet has a pair is overwhelming. More overwhelming is the fact that all creation is in pairs! So, whilst marriage is not the be-all and end-all of our lives, we know for a fact that Allah (swt) has created a pair for us. Therefore we should pray, like the Ibadur Rahman (servants of Rahman): “Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.” (Al-Furqan 25:74)

As Muslim women - whether single or married, divorced or widowed, old or young - we have a great task to fulfill: to enjoin the right, forbid the wrong and believe in Allah (swt). I can’t help but quote Robert Frost:

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.”

Sanctity of Life

"Have you ever noticed that everyone, who supports abortion, has already been born?" - ponder over these words and the sanctity of human life as you read the article.

I’ll be honest. As a woman, I sometimes worry that decisions about any aspect of my life may be made by others. The fact that these decisions may be taken, on my behalf, without my consent is frightening but that they may be taken without my knowledge is equally terrifying. I am certain that even women, who are confident in voicing their opinions and independent to take their own decisions, will be able to identify with this nagging fear of losing control! This is why it seems ironic that in most cases, women have made the choice to take another person’s life, without their knowledge or consent, only because it co-exists within their body. 

Take a moment to consider, if your mother had decided not to have you, because she had a choice! What would you say to plead for your life? That’s right - you couldn’t possibly have said anything then. A slogan that caught my eye recently, expresses my sentiments in these words: “Have you ever noticed that everyone, who supports abortion, has already been born?” 

While it is certainly true that a woman’s body is greatly impacted by pregnancy, it is not true that abortion is simply a matter of her choosing to do something with her body. Science shows us that the unborn child is a genetically unique and separate person from his mother, even though dependent on the mother for survival. Abortion does not remove some part of the woman’s body; it destroys the body of another human being. Abortion is human intervention that does not allow a developing child to be born. 

The question then arises, what do we want to choose? The simplest answer is, life or death, my child’s or mine. Pro-choice is the “cause” of women to take ownership of their bodies and “choose” to kill an unborn child. As Muslims, we see the threads of this argument unraveling upon itself. Women, men, children, are all Allah’s (swt) creation. He is the Owner of our body and our soul. It is He, who gives life, He who takes it away and He provides for us with all we need in this world. 

There is no doubt that it is never easy for a woman to consider abortion, yet there are plenty of reasons for a woman to do so (be it poverty, family planning, population-control, single parent, rape or incest). Great efforts have been made to soften the blow of killing a human being: the term fetus has been redefined, the word choice has been substituted for abortion; however, it does not mask the truth that the pro-choice movement only offers a violent "solution" to the problem through abortion. They have no other choices available for the pregnant woman in need of help. 

Jennie W. French, the founder of “National Women’s Coalition for Life” says: “The answer to a crisis pregnancy is to eliminate the crisis, not the child.” We need to reach out to every woman faced with the agony of abortion and say to her: “Your life and the life of your baby are both important, and we will not desert either one of you.” Take the first step: educate yourself and then others on the facts about abortion in Islam; volunteer in local pro-life groups; write to newspapers, radio and TV stations; support the cause through Zakat, Sadaqah and donations; and pray!

It is a daunting task but the most important thing that you can do is to become personally involved. Unless you do, nothing will change. In the end, our faith lies in the surety that Allah (swt) will not ask: “Did you succeed?” but “Did you try?”

“Sanctity of Life” is an organization dedicated to protecting the life of the unborn child. Though the injustice of abortion can be clearly established without depending on religious arguments, religious faith plays an important role in inspiring people to take an active part in confronting that injustice. Recognizing that abortion is wrong, a person’s faith compels them to do something to right that wrong. Our objective is to raise awareness about women’s reproductive health and abortion from moral, medical and religious perspectives. We arrange workshops and seminars for female population, lady health workers, nurses and female doctors. We invite you to join our efforts and play your part in saving a life. You can reach us at 0300-2343055/0345-2350029 and learn more about us at www.abortionbirthcontrol.com.

A Muslim Woman's Surname after Marriage

Naba Basar has compiled views of the scholars on the issue of a Muslim woman's surname after marriage

Sheikh Saud al-Funaysan, former professor at Imam University: A woman has to keep the name of her father and not her husband after marriage. Ahadeeth give a severe warning for the person, who attributes himself to other than his or her father.  Allah (swt) says in the Quran: “Call them (adopted sons) by (the names of) their fathers; that is more just with Allah. But if you know not their father’s (names, call them) your brothers in faith, Mawalikum (your freed slaves). And there is no sin on you concerning that in which you made a mistake, except in regard to what your hearts deliberately intend. And Allah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Al-Azhab 33:5) Due to the seriousness of the matter, if a woman has her legal documentation, such as her passport, in her husband’s family name, then she has to change her official documents back to her father’s family name if she can, even if she in her daily practice abides by the legal ruling and people call her by her father’s name and not her husband’s.  Fatwah department research committee of “IslamToday”, chaired by Sheikh Abd al-Wahhab al-Turayri: To understand this matter, consider the fact that a woman does not rightfully belong to her husband’s family by way of lineage. Her lineage stays as it always was. Consider this: if her husband were to divorce her, who would be her guardians? Also, from whom does she inherit? The above mentioned verse in the Quran (Al-Ahzab 33:5) commands us to attribute children to their true biological fathers even after adoption. The most it allows is that the child casually refers to his guardian as ‘father’, or the man to the child as ‘son’ or ‘daughter’ out of affection or absentmindedly; however, it forbids the change of the child’s name or a formal claim of attribution. This is a general rule. All Muslims must carry their fathers’ names. There is no evidence from the Quran or the Sunnah that a woman, upon marriage, is exempted from the general rule of attribution to her own father and her own family. All women from the time of the Prophet (sa) onwards continued to be attributed to their own fathers after marriage, regardless of whether their fathers were Muslims or non-Muslims. The Prophet (sa) said: “Whoever attributes his lineage to other than his father or claims other than his master as his master, then he has upon him the curse of Allah (swt), His angels and all humanity.” (Abu Dawood) Also: “Whoever claims as his father other than his father knowingly, then Paradise is forbidden him.” (Abu Dawood) These Ahadeeth are authentic. The matter is serious. Those, who claim that there is contrary evidence allowing women upon marriage to attribute themselves to another person’s lineage, must produce their evidence for such a serious matter. Allah (swt) knows best.

The Wedding Night

Affaf Jamal provides us with Islamic guidelines for the wedding night.

The wedding night marks the beginning of a whole new kind of relationship - deeper and more personal than any other relationship one will ever have, entailing a deluge of unique experiences and considerations.

Between a husband and wife, nothing remains hidden. There are no veils and no barriers, and no shameful parts. How could there be, when the husband is a garment for his wife and she for him? They are to seek comfort and tranquility in one another.

They will be able to enjoy what has always been forbidden to them. This new permissibility is a realization for the husband that this person is his wife, life-partner, and mother of his children. Consequently, his new bride deserves to be treated with the utmost care, consideration, and sensitivity from the very first moment. Therefore, the wedding night should be a night filled with tenderness, intimacy, affection, and joy. In that night, the husband should be seeking to establish ties of love and affection with his wife and placate her worries and fears about the new life she has just embarked upon, so as to ultimately feel secure and at peace with him.

Alhumdullilah, as with all aspects of life, Islam provides us with simple guidelines, which make this event meaningful and blessed for the couple.

The final disposition of things is for those of pious practice, as the Lord of the Worlds said: "As to the Righteous, they shall be amidst (cool) shades and springs (of water). And (they shall have) fruits, - all they desire. ‘Eat and drink to your heart's content: for that which you worked (for righteousness).' Thus do We certainly reward the Doers of Good." (Al-Mursalaat 77:41-44)

Kindness toward your wife, when you wish to enter her chamber

When one goes into his wife's chamber on the wedding night, it is desirable to show her kindness, such as presenting her with something to drink, etc. This is found in the Hadeeth narrated by Asma' bint Yazid ibn As-Sakan, who said: "I beautified Aisha (rta) for Allah's Messenger (sa), then called him to come to see her unveiled. He came, sat next to her, and brought a large cup of milk, from which he drank. Then, he offered it to Aisha (rta), but she lowered her head and felt shy. I scolded her and said to her: ‘Take from the hand of the Prophet (sa).' She then took it and drank some. Then, the Prophet (sa) said to her: ‘Give some to your companion.' At that point, I said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, rather take it yourself and drink, and then give it to me from your hand.' He took it, drank some, and then offered it to me. I sat down and put it on my knees. Then, I began rotating it and following it with my lips, in order that I might hit the spot from which the Prophet (sa) had drunk. Then, the Prophet (sa) said about some women, who were there with me: ‘Give them some.' But, they said: ‘We don't want it.' (ie. we are not hungry). The Prophet (sa) said: ‘Do not combine hunger and fibbing!'” (Ahmad)

The husband should place his hand upon his wife's head and offer a supplication for her

At the time of consummating the marriage with his wife or before that the husband should, place his hand on the front part of her head and mention the name of Allah Most High, and pray for Allah's blessings. As in the statement of the Prophet (sa): "When any of you marries a woman ... he should hold her forelock, mention Allah Most High, and pray for His blessings saying: ‘O Allah, I ask You for the good in her and the good with which You have created her, and I seek refuge in You from the evil in her and the evil with which You have created her.'" (Bukhari)

The husband and wife should offer two units of prayer together.

This is an established practice of the pious predecessors, as related in the following narration: On the authority of Shaqeeq who said: "A man named Abu Hareez came and said: 'I have married a young girl, and I am afraid that she will despise me.' 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ood said to him: ‘Verily, closeness is from Allah, and hatred is from Shaitan, who wishes to make despicable that which Allah has allowed. So, when your wife comes to you, tell her to pray behind you two Rakaat.'" In another version of the same story, "'Abdullah went on to say: 'And say: 'O Allah, give Your blessings on me in my wife, and to her in me. O Allah, join us together as long as You join us in good, and split us apart, if You send to us that which is better.'" (Ibn Abi Shaibah and at-Tabaraani and 'Abdur-Razzaaq: Saheeh)

Before cohabitation with one's wife or husband, it is desirable to mention the name of Allah (swt)

When a Muslim man is about to enter his wife, he should always say first: "In the name of Allah, O Allah, keep us away from the devil, and keep the devil away from that which You may grant us (i.e., offspring)."

About this the Prophet (sa) said: "After that, if Allah decrees that they will have a child, the devil will never be able to harm that child." (Bukhari)

What the husband should do the morning after his wedding night

The following morning, it is desirable for the husband to visit those relatives, who came and visited him to greet and pray for him and his bride. It is also desirable for them to do likewise for him, according to the following Hadeeth narrated by Anas (rta): "The Messenger of Allah (sa) gave a feast on the morning of his wedding night with Zainab (rta), at which he fed the Muslims to satisfaction on bread and meat. Then, he went out to the Mothers of the Believers (i.e., to his other wives), gave them greetings, and prayed for them, which they returned in kind. This is what he used to do on the morning after a wedding night." (Ibn Sa'd and An-Nasai)

The prohibition of spreading bedroom secrets

It is forbidden for either the husband or the wife to spread any of the secrets of their bedroom or private relations to anyone outside. The following Hadeeth is about this: "The worst in position of all people in the estimation of Allah on the Day of Resurrection will be the man, who cohabits with his wife, or the woman, who cohabits with her husband, then either of them divulges the secret of his mate." (Muslim)