Live smart - stop wasting Allah's (swt) blessings!

By Uzma Rizvi

Allah (swt) has granted us many blessings, for which we should be thankful to Him. We show gratitude to Allah (swt) by saying ‘Alhumdulillah.' Another way to thank Allah (swt) is to use those blessings in the most appropriate manner. This includes using them for the right purpose, in the optimum amount and at the right time and place. We should try not to waste these blessings neither by over-using nor under-using, as Islam teaches us moderation.

Our blessings might be tangible, such as food and water, or intangible, such as our health and youth. We must take guidance from the Quran and the Sunnah on how to use them wisely. If we do so, we will benefit from these blessings in this world and in the Hereafter.

1. Water

Water is a precious blessing of Allah (swt), which we often use in excess.

"... eat and drink but waste not by extravagance, certainly He (Allah) likes not Al-Musrifun (those who waste by extravagance)." (Al-Araf, 7:31)

Wudu is a great Ibadah. However, the wasting of water is not allowed even during its performance.

Once the Prophet (saw) asked a person, who was performing Wudu: "Why are you wasting water?" The person enquired: "Is there waste even in Wudu?" Rasulullah (saw) replied: "Yes indeed, (do not waste) even if you are at the bank of a river." (Ibn Majah)

Anas (rta) has narrated: "The Prophet used to take a bath with one Sa or up to five Mudds of water and used to perform ablution with one Mudd of water." (Bukhari)

Aisha (rta) reports: "The Prophet (saw) used one Mudd of water for Wudu and one Sa for Ghusl." (Abu Dawood)

On the average, most people use more than six litres of water for one Wudu and about 100 litres for a shower. One Mudd is approximately 1.03 litres, and one Sa is approximately 4.1 litres. In other words, we generally use much more water for Wudu and bathing than Rasulullah (saw).

Allah (swt) has made water for sustaining and nurturing life. He has given water for all of His living creation. As Muslims, we must not spoil the water for others by polluting it, nor deprive others by using more than our share.

Tips

• During Wudu, don't let the tap run continuously.  Don't talk while performing Wudu, as you'll be wasting water while conversing. Moreover, talking of worldly matters during Wudu is inappropriate.
• Don't use water excessively, while washing the car or watering the lawn.
• Mend all leaking flushes, taps, and pipes, as this can lead to a substantial saving of water.
• Use the shower sensibly. While waiting for the hot water to come in the shower, gather the running cold water in a bucket. You can use it to clean the bathroom.
• Do not throw garbage, chemicals, industrial waste and other hazardous waste in any water body.

2. Food

After mentioning all the different fruits and crops that He has given to the humankind, Allah (swt) says: "... and waste not by extravagance. Verily, He likes not Al-Musrifun (those who waste by extravagance)." (Al-Anam, 6:141)

On the Day of Judgement, each one of us will be asked about what we had used and misused, including the food that we consume and waste. 

Tips

Smaller portions.  Don't stack your plate. Take a little food and finish that before taking the second helping. Restaurants also promote bigger servings, which often cannot be finished in one go, especially by children. Take the leftovers home. Two people can even share one serving of an entrée or a dessert. By your own example, encourage your children to finish all the food on the plate.

Donate food.  A social worker once told about extremely poor women, who asked for bones that people left on their plates, so that they could clean them and cook food for their children. Sends shudders down your spine! There are people, who are desperate to make a meal out of throw-aways, and there are people, who are careless enough to throw palatable food in the garbage.

Give away the excess food to the poor in your area or to charity organizations. For instance, Alamgir Welfare Trust Karachi (contact numbers: 0333-315-5369, 0303-729-8052, 3-493-2283, 3-493-5824) offers to collect food from your function venue, which saves you the time and effort to arrange the delivery of food.

Recycling. Leftovers and excess food can be turned into a new dish! How about making Parathas with leftover Aloo Bhurta or Qeema! Leftover Salan can be re-cooked with rice to make a quick Biryani.

Food for Plants. Rotting leftovers, stale food, and even kitchen ‘garbage,' such as vegetable and fruit peels, can be stashed at the back of the lawn in containers, along with leaves, some soil, and cut grass to make homemade fertilizer (or compost), which is excellent for your plants.

Feed animals. Another way to avoid wasting of food is to feed it to pets or birds. I have often observed elders crumbling old bread to feed the birds. Encourage kids to do the same.

3. Talent and Knowledge

Allah (swt) has blessed each one of us with special skills. Some are great at writing, while others at teaching; some are good at listening and giving consolation to the sick and the elderly, while others excel at cooking and sewing. However, many either are not aware of these God-given talents or do not consider them important. Some take these talents for granted, while others might be using them for purposes that are not dear to Allah (swt).

Tips

• Do a self-appraisal by making a list of things you are skilled at, have a natural flair for or would like to learn or improve upon.
• Utilize these talents at home and outside, according to the Quran and the Sunnah. Write meaningful articles or books, teach Tajweed or crafts, form a group to visit the sick in a hospital or cook for some elderly relatives on weekly basis.
• Join organizations, groups or individuals, who are already involved in doing work to please Allah (swt).

4. Wealth

The Quran states: "But spend not wastefully (your wealth) in the manner of a spendthrift. Verily, the spendthrifts are brothers of the Shaitans, and the Shaitan is ever ungrateful to his Lord." (Al-Isra, 26-27)

Tips

• Buy only when you need and not to hoard or splurge. Avoid impulse buying. Make a list of things you need and stick to it.
• Don't be tempted by advertisements.
• Put a Sadaqah box or envelope in your house and encourage your family to contribute.
• We hoard clothes, shoes, decorative items, cutlery, dinner-sets, linen... - most of these just lie in cupboards, hardly used. Keep a check on such spending as well.

5. Youth

The Prophet (saw) said: "The feet of a human being will not depart on the Day of Judgment from his standing before his Lord, until he is questioned about five things: his lifetime - how he passed it, his youth - how he used it, his wealth - where he earned it and how he spent it, and how he followed what he knew." (Tirmidhi)

Youth is the age for high aspirations, productive work, and achievement. Its value is fully realized only when the limbs become less agile, you get tired easily, and start losing that sharp memory. Before that happens, why not strive to achieve Allah's (swt) pleasure by leaning towards all that He has recommended and staying away from what He has forbidden?

6. Time and Health

The Prophet (saw) said: "There are two blessings, which many people lose. (They are) health and free time for doing good." (Bukhari)

Each moment passes, never to return. Are we doing all we can to make the most of it or are we busy in the matters, which will have scant or no value in the Hereafter? We might think slouching in front of the TV or gossiping over the phone is a good way to pass our free time. Of course, we need to relax, catch a nap, and call up friends. Nevertheless, some of our free time can be devoted on a regular basis to gaining or spreading knowledge, doing Nafl Ibadah or listening to Islamic lectures.

Tips

• We can make a to-do list of our daily activities, set the priorities, and try our best to finish these tasks.
• We can analyze our daily, weekly, and monthly achievements. This can slowly become a habit, which will save a lot of misappropriated time and energy, Insha'Allah.
• Our health is a blessing, without which we would not be able to enjoy any of the other blessings. When we are in good health, why waste it on frivolous acts, such as non-stop shopping sprees or hours in the beauty salon?
• Use the perfect vision to read the Quran, Tafseer, and books of Hadeeth.
• Use the sharp hearing to listen to the cries of the needy.
• Use the agile limbs to go to the Masjid for Salah in Jamaat and run errands for relatives and community.

In conclusion, let us take inspiration from these words of the Prophet (saw): "Allah will give shade to seven on the Day, when there will be no shade but His. (These seven persons are) (1) a just ruler, (2) a youth, who has been brought up in the worship of Allah (i.e., worships Allah sincerely from childhood), (3) a man, whose heart is attached to the mosques (i.e., to pray the compulsory prayers in the mosque in congregation), (4) two persons, who love each other only for Allah's sake and they meet and part in Allah's cause only, (5) a man, who refuses the call of a charming woman of noble birth for illicit intercourse with her and says: ‘I am afraid of Allah,' (6) a man who gives charitable gifts so secretly that his left hand does not know what his right hand has given (i.e., nobody knows, how much he has given in charity), and (7) a person, who remembers Allah in seclusion and his eyes are then flooded with tears." (Bukhari)

Researchers Say: Boys and Girls Learn Differently

Rana Rais Khan presents the core differences, as identified by researchers, between male and female learners at the elementary level and explains, how these differences drive them to certain behavioral and career choices.

A common myth that lingers is that boys are better equipped for scientific genius than girls. And brain-imaging technology has proven that the brains of men and women are certainly different. Even Sandra Witelson, a neuroscientist famous for her study of Albert Einstein's brain, explained that besides the brain, men and women have dramatic differences in their eyes, noses and ears that feed information to their brains. Yu Xie, a sociology professor at the University of Michigan, rationed that social conditions, which come into play with biological factors, enhance these differences. All in all, copious theories state the gender disparity.

However, the latest research upends the concept of male superiority in science skills. This is good news for parents, who want their daughters to become top-tier tenured science professors, researchers, engineers, etc. As parents, we need to understand and appreciate the disparity in the anatomy of the brains of our sons and daughters. This will assist us in knowing, what fundamental steps need to be taken to enhance our child's inclination towards a particular subject be it our son or daughter. Both can be achievers, provided parents understand their gender uniqueness and especially cater to their rudimentary learning needs.

• Amanda Ripley in her impressive article published in March, 2005, issue of “Time” explained that men's brains are about 10% bigger than women's brains. This difference in size is merely the same as the fact that men are approximately 8% taller than women. Size difference does not predict intellectual performance, as was once thought. Boys and girls have repeatedly performed equally well on IQ tests.
• Men do their thinking in more focused regions of the brain, whether solving a math problem, reading a book or feeling angry or sad. Women appear to have more connections between the two brain hemispheres, so they use more parts of their brain to accomplish certain tasks. This might explain, why they tend to recover better from a stroke, since the healthy parts of their mind compensate for the injured regions.
• Women have stronger connections between the amygdala (a deeply located part of the brain) and regions that process language and other functions. This may explain, why women can openly express their emotions, while men compartmentalize their worries and carry on. Even as toddlers, most of the little girls begin to chatter quite early and effortlessly, as compared to boys.
• According to psychiatrist Jay Giedd who has been compiling one of the world's largest libraries of brain growth, a girl's brain size peaks around age 11 1/2. For the boys, the peak comes at age 14 1/2.
• Specifically some of the brain regions involved in mechanical reasoning, visual targeting, and spatial reasoning appear to mature four to eight years earlier in boys. The parts that handle verbal fluency, handwriting, and recognizing familiar faces mature several years earlier in girls.
• The most surprising differences lie outside the brain. "If you have a man and woman looking at the same landscape, they see totally different things," states Leonard Sax, a physician, psychologist, and author of “Why Gender Matters”. Women can see colours and textures men cannot see, hear things men cannot hear, and smell things men cannot smell.
• Male retina of the eye is likely to consist of more cells designed to detect motion, while female retina has more cells built to gather information on colour and texture. Now, we understand, why our little boys are fond of moving toys, such as trucks, etc., and our girls favour richly textured dolls and other colourful stuff.
• Likewise, women's ears are more sensitive to some noises. Baby girls hear certain ranges of sound better. And the divergence gets even bigger in adults.
• A study published in the journal “Nature Neuroscience” in 2002 revealed that women of childbearing age were many times more sensitive to several smells upon repeated exposure than men.

Humble Solutions by Experts

After thorough study, Leonard Sax of Maryland is convinced that boys and girls are innately different, and that their environment must be changed so that the differences do not become limitations. Sometimes, solutions are simple. In co-ed schools, boys, who do not hear as good as girls, do lag behind in academic performance. To solve the problem, they can simply be moved into the front row of the classroom. However, often solutions to other problems are more complex, especially, in cases involving attention-deficit / hyperactivity disorder, etc.

According to the National Centre for Education Statistics, until the fourth grade in the US, boys and girls hardly show any significant differences on their math tests. Moving into their adolescence, girls score about 7% lower on the math section of SAT. For this reason, Sax offers segregated classrooms for our early and adolescent learners. According to his theory, co-ed has caused more harm than benefit. Teachers handle boys and girls in a similar manner, not understanding that their brains are maturing at different speeds. This poses two critical hurdles in the way of smooth academic progress: a) failure and b) aversion to a particular subject (languages, social science, etc., in the case of boys, and math and analytical subjects in the case of girls).

This research aids us as parents to respect the diversity of our children. It also reminds us, how uniquely Allah (swt) has created males and females. They are not in competition but play complimentary roles to make one winning team. Allah (swt) states: "Verily, We have created man in the best stature." (At-Tin 95:4) Although different in many ways, our boys and girls are special, and, as a principle, must never be compared with one another.

Allah (swt) also states: "... He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills." (As-Shura 42:49) Casting aspersions, such as, "Why can't you be more like your sister?" or "Why can't you be smart like your brother?" only counts for hiding our own parental inefficiencies and disrespects the individuality of our children.

If consistent instruction is imparted in line with the genders' own pace of mental development, maybe we will some day have a female version of Einstien and a male version of the Bronte sisters.

Tongue Terrors

By Atefa Jamal

I want to share with you a strange story I once heard. Two brothers were at a bus stop, when a young lady approached them. Her arms were laden with groceries. Indicating her apartment behind them, she asked, if they could help her. One of the brothers agreed, while the other stayed at the stop. Fifteen minutes later, the brother at the stop began to worry - his sibling had not yet returned. What was taking him so long to drop off some groceries? He ran to the apartment the young lady had pointed out and knocked on the door. A child, with a bone in his hand and fresh blood dripping from his teeth, answered it. Terrified, the young man pushed past him into the apartment. To his horror, he found a group of people feasting on the body of his dead brother!

I was really disgusted, when I heard this! Then, after the story, I got a real shock. I was told that I do this all the time! Eat human flesh? Me? No way! I faint at the sight of my own blood.

It was explained that Allah has said, "...And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting)..." (Al-Hujurat, 49:12)

So every time I invite my friends over for some ‘juicy gossip,' I am actually inviting them to dig into a ‘juicy human steak!' I remember, how I mimicked that teacher with the accent. My classmates thought I was so cool. Some even said: "You're so smart." Now, I am not sure, if I really was.

Our beloved Prophet (saw) warned us, "A man may be so close to Paradise such that the distance between him and it is one arm's length and he speaks a word and he becomes distant from it further than San'aa" (referring to a great distance). (Tirmidhi)

Subhan'Allah! One word! The jokes I cracked about my over-weight cousin had several words!

When I fasted in Ramadan, I never tasted a single morsel of food. To me that was an accomplishment. However, I relished those hot angry words I dished out to everyone, who suggested I do something other than sleep the day away. I controlled my hunger but not my tongue, so my fasts became a farce.

The Prophet (saw) said, "When a man gets up in the morning, all the limbs humble themselves before the tongue and say, ‘Fear Allah for our sake, for we are dependent on you; if you are straight we are straight, but if you are crooked we are crooked'" (Tirmidhi).

The Prophet (saw) even once took hold of his tongue and said, "Exercise restraint on it...Will anything else besides (irresponsible) talk cause the people to be thrown into the Hell-Fire upon their faces or on their nostrils?" (Ahmad, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah)

Allah's Messenger (saw) also said, "Whoever guarantees me (the chastity of) what is between his legs (i.e., his private parts), and what is between his jaws (i.e., his tongue), I guarantee him Paradise." (Tirmidhi)

From now on, I shall no longer give my tongue free reign to babble away, Insha'Allah (and I mean it), till I have something good to say. It is confined to its place, in my mouth, behind my teeth.

How to Think BIG!

By Farah Najam

Everyday everywhere young people take on new jobs. Each wishing to enjoy the success associated with reaching the top. Yet, they believe that climbing such heights is impossible, not realizing that there are steps that can lead them to the goal. But a small number of these youth have substantial belief in reaching the top and the steps that they need to take.

How to develop the power of belief?

1. Islam teaches a believer to be optimistic. To think success, rather than failure, even at times, when we are faced with difficult situations. In other words, a believer should think, "I will win, Insha'Allah" and not, "I will probably lose." Pessimism leads the mind to think in the way of failure. Remember that pessimism is a gift from Satan ‘Iblis,' whose name denotes hopelessness.

2. Remind yourself regularly that you are better than you think you are. Successful believers are just ordinary people who have developed belief in Allah and the abilities He has given to them. Allah (swt) states, "Verily, We have created man in the best form." (At-Tin, 95:4)

3. Allah (swt) wants to elevate the status of humankind and ensure its accomplishment and therefore He (swt) send His Prophets and books. So, by thinking big according to the teachings of Allah (swt) and his Prophet (saw) the size of your success will be determined by the size of your belief. Think of little goals and expect little achievements. But think of big goals and you will win big. Big ideas and big plans are often easier.

It is well to respect your leader and learn from him/her. But don't just resolve to be like him or her, rather believe you can surpass and go beyond. .

Building confidence through your memory bank

1. Deposit only positive thoughts in your memory bank. Everyone encounters plenty of unpleasant situations but successful people do not give it a second thought, whereas unsuccessful people brood over them so be among the successful and specialize in putting positive thoughts into your memory bank.

2. A real smile melts away the opposition of others, and instantly too. So, smile big. Harness the power of smiling. Remember Allah's Messenger (saw) had a smiling face.

With a positive, optimistic and cooperative attitude, a person with an IQ of 100 will succeed and earn more money and respect, than a negative, pessimistic, uncooperative individual with an IQ of 120. 60% dreaming and the rest do the trick. The biggest resolution would be the ‘attitude' - think and dream creatively. Creative thinking is simply finding new, improved ways to do anything. Success at home, work, in community or just anything. For this, the basic truth is ‘believe in yourself and the things that you can do - believe in yourself and the world is yours'

Practice positive imagery

Each day spend some time in positive visualization of your goals and new life changes. Use your imagination for only through use does it sharpen. You can travel on the back of any thought you have in mind. Simply catch your thoughts, relax, tilt your eyes up just about twenty degrees and there you are.

Begin incorporating the following points in your attitude

1. Overcome the fear of failure: When fear controls your actions, it takes charge. The only way you can overcome fear is to face it and attack it with full vengeance with one blow.

2. Let your confidence soar: You must have the "I can do this" attitude if anything BIG happens to come your way. Confidence is more evident in a person's actions, thoughts and emotional calm during stormy times.

3. Don't let small and negative people get in the way of your BIG ideas.

Tips for Better Thinking

1. Suspend judgment when hearing something new.

2. Explain things to others using their thinking patterns rather than yours.

3. Remember that arguing is one of the least effective ways of changing someone's mind. You don't always have to fight to win.

4. Use the language of leaders and people will be more inclined to treat you as one.

5. Remember that your sense of humor is your stress barometer; when it seems like there's nothing to laugh about that means you are overstressed.

6. Constantly remind yourself that self-worth is not something you have to prove, or a conclusion you arrive at, it's an assumption you start from.

7. Spend more time reading than you spend watching television.

8. Constantly monitor your self-talk; prefer positive language.

9. Shun toxic people and those who push negative thinking; remember that you can fire anybody from your life.

10. Practice positive "censorship;" you can choose to concentrate your attention on positive messages.

11. Stay out of other people's dramas; don't become part of the victimology triangle.

12. Always be learning; try to discover something new every day.

13. Don't kill ideas when you first hear them. Use the "P.I.N." formula (Positive first, then Interesting, then Negative aspects).

14. Don't mistake a haphazard "brain-dump" for a conversation; explain your ideas clearly; use a discursive strategy to escort others to your truth.

15. Always be ready to smile in the next second, and let it show on your face.

In Thinking Big: The Keys to Personal Power and Maximum Performance, world-famous success expert Brian Tracy will take you beyond the limits of everyday thought, where you will tap into the vast resources of your mind and unlock unlimited potential.

By thinking big, you'll become so confident, determined, and persistent, that you can achieve any goal-and nothing or no one will be able to slow you down or alter your course, Insha'Allah!

Success is an inside job. It's a state of mind. It begins with you and is soon reflected in the world around you. By thinking big, you become a bigger person. By dreaming big dreams, you become a leader. By making plans to accomplish your goals, you take control of your life. And by practicing the ideas taught in Thinking Big, you can and will become unstoppable, by Allah's (swt) grace.

Here is an exercise to measure your true size:

1. Determine your five chief assets.

2. Invite some friends who will give you an honest opinion.

3. Next under each asset, write the names of three persons you know who have achieved large success, but who do not have the asset to as great a degree as you.

Big thinkers are specialists in creating positive, optimistic pictures in their own minds and in the minds of others.

Decorating Without Doubt

By Kiran Ansari

Samia Asghar, a wife, mother and architect, always received compliments on her 'photo wall' - the wall at the entrance of her home with a myriad of family photographs spanning three generations. Everyone, who entered her home, even the installers of her kitchen cabinets, couldn't help but pause and look at the elegantly displayed personal memories.

Samia, like many who enlarge favorite poses, took great pride in her wall, until it dawned upon her. It wasn't during an Islamic lecture or while reading an Islamic book, but while sorting through her jewelry at the bank locker that she asked herself: "Why do I keep my valuables locked up safely in velvet boxes and leave my most cherished possessions out for everyone to see? Would I display my diamonds this way? Of course not! I would keep them safe, so no one would eye them inappropriately."

Samia voiced her concerns to a friend, who encouraged her to consider taking down the pictures but with the right intention. Several authentic Ahadeeth explained the issue to Samia:

Narrated by Anas (rta): Aisha (rta) had a thick curtain with pictures on it, and she screened the side of her house with it. The Prophet (saw) said: "Remove it from my sight, for its pictures are still coming to my mind in my prayers." (Bukhari)

Narrated by Abu Talha (rta): the Prophet (saw) said: "Angels do not enter a house in which there is a dog or there are pictures of living creatures (animals or humans)." (Bukhari)

Most scholars permit photographs - as they consider them captured light, as opposed to portraits - but within limits. Family photographs in albums or scrapbooks to remember a wedding, birth or vacation is acceptable by most schools of thought. But having professional photography sessions without the adherence to the rules of Hijab is questionable. Hanging pictures of loved ones, who have passed away, in imitation of other faiths to remind us of them is not an Islamic practice either. We should also refrain from painting portraits or hanging them based on the following Hadeeth - narrated by Aisha (rta): the Prophet (saw) said: "... Whoever makes a picture will be punished on the Day of Resurrection and will be asked to give life to what he has created." (Bukhari)

Many of us lack the courage that Samia had, when she took down all her pictures. But we can intend to start today, pray to Allah (swt) to make it easy and proceed gradually one room at a time. 

So, now - what do you do with those blank walls and empty frames? Replace them with things acceptable in our Deen. Remember, in Islam there are far more dos than don'ts - for out of all beverages only alcohol is prohibited. We need to appreciate all that is permitted, rather than brood over what is not.

Allah (swt) is Al-Jameel, i.e., He is Beautiful and likes beautiful things. Our homes too should be clean and beautiful, without bordering on extravagance and ostentation. Look for reasonably priced landscapes, still-life and Islamic calligraphy - or better still, make your own. An original Picasso landscape for a million dollars would be technically acceptable but would go against the Islamic teachings of modesty. How about painting something using your favorite colours or displaying your children's artwork creatively?

There are other objects in the home that could cause us to step into gray areas. Many families enjoy collecting statues and figurines from their travels. What can you bring back from your travels? An idea my parents had was to start a collection of a particular object from different parts of the world. My father bought teapots from China, Iran and Russia to begin with, and before we knew it, guests started to bring us unique teapots as gifts as well. I have started an inexpensive collection to remember the places I have visited. I hang souvenir pencils from all the places I have visited - Disney World, Dubai and Niagara Falls - and hang them from wooden dowels in my hallway.

Having a room with a theme is gaining popularity. Also here there are several permissible alternatives: an Arabian inspired living room with floor cushions and coffee pots; or a Mexican kitchen in bright colours with chili peppers and sombreros cans. They add personality to your living spaces, without compromising your belief.

Children love themes. So step in and inculcate good habits in their early years. Instead of encouraging cartoon character murals, we could suggest generic themes that are not only acceptable Islamically but last longer than a Spiderman fad for instance. Flowers or hearts for girls and cars or sports gear for boys are easy solutions. Before discouraging your children from hanging posters of pop icons and movie stars, explain to them why. Telling them that they should not do it ‘because mom says so' is insufficient. Rather, that they wouldn't be able to pray in their room and angels of mercy wouldn't enter their homes.

Having pictures of mosques and Ayahs, that are readily available nowadays, is a great idea. However, sometimes people go to extremes and overnight their homes become calligraphy central. The word of caution here is that the Quran was sent to us as a guide. So, by framing several Ayahs and not understanding or applying them is senseless. Similarly, wanting to appear more religious to those, who enter your home, or thinking that such pictures can protect you only means you are digressing from their actual purpose. A few chosen verses that you act upon is a better idea or perhaps Duas for children to help them learn proper sleeping and eating habits. 

Another disturbing trend that is catching on these days is devoting one room to the ‘prayer room' and filling that with religious artwork. Our entire home should be a reflection of our Muslim identity. Having enlarged close-ups of your daughter's wedding photos in the living room and Ayat-al-kursi in the prayer room makes you appear inconsistent. In other words, picking and choosing, where we apply the principles of our religion and where not, we forget how Islam should be intertwined with every aspect of our lives and not just where and when it is convenient for us.

For those of us in non-Muslim countries, having an inviting home to welcome neighbors and colleagues of different faiths is a Dawah tool. A picture of the Kabah is an instant conversation starter as well as a chance to talk about Islam without sounding preachy. A modest yet elegant home reflects well on how simply yet stylishly Muslims live.

Modesty is the key word here. We have to strike a balance as to how much time, energy and money we spend decorating. We know we are travelers, and our life in this world is but a transitory phase before our permanent destination. Would we then spend all our resources sprucing up a hotel room?

Avoid filling your home with priceless furniture and accessories, reserved for occasional guests. The fear of breaking any of it will prevent you from enjoying your home. Your home should be a place, where you look forward to spending time with yourself and your family. Let it be your safe haven from endless hours shopping or late nights socializing. By staying away from doubtful matters, avoiding justifications for the temptations of your Nafs and by accepting the guidelines of the Quran and Sunnah, be confident that you are doing the right thing.

Insha'Allah, Barakah and Rahmah will fill your heart, your home and the lives of everyone in it.

Some handy decorating tips you can start on today:

· Think outside the frame. There are so many other things you can adorn walls with. Consider mounting a collection of decorative plates in your kitchen or beautiful rug in the foyer.

· Go 3-D. You can use shadow boxes to preserve special objects-your son's first pair of shoes or your daughter's graduation cap.

· Don't underestimate the power of green. Adding a real or artificial plant or floral arrangement livens up any space.

· Dabble in paint. There is no easier or relatively less expensive way to brightening up a white wall. Experiment with solids, stripes, borders, stencils or a faux finish like sponging. And for a drastic look, don't forget the 5^th wall - the ceiling!

· No cost decorating. Re-arrange furniture for a fresh look. Press flowers from your own garden, mat and frame them and you have a unique piece of art.

· Reuse what you can. Turn old curtains into toss pillows.

· Choose multipurpose pieces. For instance, a decorative trunk in your family room can serve as the coffee table as well as storage for board games.

· Pick up decorating magazines for inspiration. Despite the unavailability of some of the project material, know that any idea you like can easily be adapted for a fraction of the cost in Pakistan.

Word-Wise

Do you keep the promises you make to your children? Atefa Jamal presents convincing reasons, suggesting that you definitely should.

"Mummy!" "Daddy!" "Come Quickly!" "HURRY!" I am sure you have heard these phrases often enough and usually when you are in the middle of something you cannot turn away from: talking on the phone, frying dinner or taking that much needed shower. If you are like me, you probably respond with: "Coming!" "I'll be done in five minutes!" "Be there in a minute!" or "Give me a second!" and then desperately try to finish your work within the next ten minutes and make a mad dash to see, what your little one's emergency is (usually: a squashed bug, a request for a cup of water or a need for changing shirt because of a spilt cup of water).

This seemed like the usual scheme of things for me, until Mr. Suleman Ahmer (“Timelenders”) stated the obvious: one never completes a shower in five minutes. This seemingly small statement, amongst many words of wisdom and stories of experience, which you can enjoy by attending Mr. Ahmer's “Strategic Time Management” course, was a splash of cold water in my face. I came to realize, how carelessly we use words, and why our children do not take us seriously.

It all begins with a simple concept: keep your word - all the time, every time. Whenever we say we are going to do something, we are making a promise, without actually saying the word ‘promise’. If we say we are going to finish our work in a minute, it means we will stop our work in a minute. Otherwise, we will break our promise - hence, we should be more realistic regarding the time we need for completing our tasks.

Parents are practical examples that children learn from. They watch us go through our usual mundane routines, adopting things we never give much notice to. Imagine a child, who tosses his book bag on the floor and calls out: “Honey, I'm home! What's for dinner?” Thus, when we break our word, we teach our children several things:

1. Time (especially yours) has no value: have you ever wondered, why it takes so long for your child to come to you, when you have been yelling "come here right now!" for at least five times?

2. You are not to be taken seriously: how many times have our children promised to do (or not to do) something and then done exactly the opposite?

3. You are not to be trusted: every time you tell your child you will get him something and you do not, you tell her that you cannot be trusted. Don’t most children insist that the grownups say ‘promise’ in answer to their requests?

4. Allah's (swt) name is to be taken lightly: we use the term ‘Insha'Allah’ to buy time. A familiar scene: at the supermarket, a child is screaming for a toy, and the harassed parent promises to buy it later, Insha'Allah. No longer such promise is accepted - the child will yell: “Don't say ‘Insha'Allah,' say ‘yes’!”

Breaking promises and teaching our children to do so is not taken lightly by Allah (swt): “And fulfill (every) covenant. Verily! The covenant will be questioned about.” (Al-Isra)

Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: “The signs of a hypocrite are three: whenever he speaks, he tells a lie; whenever he is entrusted, he proves dishonest; whenever he promises, he breaks his promise.” (Bukhari)

Just as dishonesty and lying are major sins, breaking promises falls into the category of a sin, which will be forgiven only on the following conditions:

1.      you ask forgiveness from the person to whom you made the promise,

2.      you ask Allah (swt) to forgive you (make Tauba).

This seems easy enough, but before you go and ask your 4-year-old to forgive you, keep in mind that his statement will not be considered valid, till he reaches the age of puberty.

The Prophet (saw) said: “There are three (persons) whose actions are not recorded: a sleeper, till he awakes, a boy, till he reaches puberty, and a lunatic, till he comes to reason.” (Abu-Dawood)

A child below puberty is innocent, which is why he may forget the promises you made (though Allah (swt) still remembers them). Because of this, we have to wait till his puberty age, before making our apologies.

This puts most of us in a dilemma - if our children are very young, we may have to wait a while before we can speak to them about our broken promises. A brother suggested writing our apologies in our wills, since we cannot predict, if we will still be around, when our children are old enough for forgiving us. Another brother, understanding the gravity of this sin, went to his parents and forgave them for the promises they had broken to him, Subhan'Allah.

Now, that I understand the weight my words hold, I no longer use such phrases as ‘in a minute’ or ‘give me a sec’. I take myself more seriously and make Dua that my children will, too. May Allah (swt) help us make realistic promises, keep our word and teach our children to keep their promises as well. Ameen.

Remember - promises are meant to be kept.

Perk up Your Home

Noorjehan Arif gives tips on low budget makeovers for your home.

The house is a home lived in with love and a sense of belonging. Yet, with time, homes tend to lose their charm to the people living in them. More charm can be invoked and the home can be made to look elegant and well designed with a few changes only. Full-fledged innovations and renovations, exploiting a lot of time, money and effort are not required. Here is what you can do with minimum budget, time and effort.

1.      Flowers are the best way to improve on the freshness and appeal of any room. A glass vase filled with flowers can add to charm. Large vases with drooping and twisted flower arrangements look better in larger parts of the house like the living room or the guest room, making them the focal point of that room. While small arrangements blend well with smaller parts of the house like bedrooms.

2.      Cushions decoratively piled on a bed or sofa can compliment an otherwise drab look. They add a touch of comfort and luxury to a room, especially if they are made of lace, velvet, chenille or luxurious, textured fabrics like silk. Additionally, they can add new dimensions to the room by their different shapes and sizes. Larger sized cushions can be placed beside the bed for an extra seating place, while small cushions can be strewn around on the bed and on chairs.

3.      Simply changing or adding colours can do wonders for any room. Splashes of colours in children's or teen's bedrooms can make them ‘ultra-cool'. Bed sheets and curtains are one certain way to do that. Brightly patterned bed sheets and light coloured curtains will light up the room without too much of a hassle.

4.      For bed sheets, go for bold designs and prints to add colours but make sure the base colour (background) is light or pastel. Light or pastel base colors will help in blending of the particulars with the room's general décor, while the bright patterns will add the much-required colour. A breezy fresh look can be created for the room by sheer curtains as well. In case you are livening up a serious person's room, simple non-patterned curtains and bed sheets, or ones with slight patterns and light base colours work marvelously.

5.      One sure-fire way of ‘doing-up’ a room, or the entire home for that matter, is eliminating clutter. Clutter not only takes up a lot of space, it also makes any room unappealing for living in. So, clear away paper work, trash and old items, and utilize or give away things you don't need. Clearly, your home will feel more restful and peaceful to live in.

6.      Frames are another easy way to add a new look to any room of the home. There are several types of frames, including pictures, collage or glass paintings. You can have a pick from various shapes, sizes, types like glass or canvas paintings and kinds of frames. Several types of wall hangings can be arranged on the wall, including mail sorters, key holders or even simple hangings like those, which have an Ayah or Surah written or painted on them.

7.      If you have some money to spare in your budget, then scour flea markets (Sunday Bazaar) etc., a sure and easy way to find cheap and quality stuff to decorate your home. There are several things to choose from in such flea markets. From table lamps to decorative paper weights and from different types of racks for your kitchen (like spice racks and cutlery racks) to small decorative pieces for the living room - there is a choice for each and every person, while little money is required to splash on such items.

8.      You have thought of it all, your home looks gorgeous and ready to be featured in those beautiful home magazines - think again. You can do one more thing - rearrange the furniture. This one aspect of home décor has such limitless possibilities that you are sure to find one that will make your home a dream home for yourself and your family. You can put sofas diagonally against the wall and create a wide space look, or eliminate a piece of furniture to clear up space. It all depends on you and your creative ideas.

9.      Bookshelves have a very special purpose and that is to provide space for those volumes of books, which otherwise you would have to store in boxes. Put a few articles on the shelves, which hold a special meaning to you, like that mug your friend gave you on last Eid.

By no means should you be restricted by the ideas aforementioned. With your decorating sense, and those of your family's, fresh looks can be created quite easily. In fact, choosing area rugs, Afghans and wall art or putting decorative baskets or even re-painting a wall means nothing, if love and belonging isn't present. A house becomes a home only when each individual lives in it with a sense of love and belonging for the other members.