Tasneem Vali recalls in her memory the beauty and
the hardships of her journey to the House of Allah (swt).
“Here I am, O Allah! Here I am!” echoed in my heart, mind and
soul all in unison. For the first time in my life I experienced unadulterated
rapture. I was off on the journey every Muslim dreams of making - to do all the
things that billions of Muslims have performed solely for the sake of Allah
(swt).
8th Dhul Hajj, 1429
I am at Mina. The Hajj experience cannot be described in words,
and it must be experienced to be fully understood. For the first time in my
life, I am tongue tied. There is no other place on earth, where one willingly
shares a bed with 250 people and a bathroom with 700 strangers in the space
that was my bedroom back home! The rigors of these three days will almost
certainly destroy the body; however, strangely enough, the more tired and
uncomfortable one gets, the more one’s soul is purified and strengthened.
I have left three kids behind solely to gain Allah’s (swt)
pleasure. I have left my entire palette of experiences to be present under the
open sky, where the Prophet (sa) once stood, once prayed, once slept and where
his tears must have once fallen. Now, my tears fall here, repenting to Allah
(swt) and asking for His mercy.
9th Dhul Hajj, 1429
The day of Arafat. The emotions are high and the time is so very
short. How can I possibly repent, beg for mercy, ask for all that I want for
myself, my family, friends, neighbours, people all over the world, weep for the
sins I have committed, cry over the mistakes I have made, plead forgiveness for
the promises I didn’t keep, supplicate and beseech Allah (swt) to grant me all
that I desire?
I now know that ‘beautiful’ is a simple word, and that is just
what Hajj is - simply beautiful and purifying. Not complicated, not intricate,
just simple dos and don’ts and mostly tolerance and patience - valuable tools
for life.
This was the valley, where the Prophet (sa) once cried to Allah
(swt) for forgiveness, where he prayed for us, and where his heart belonged. I
prayed my heart out. It is exhausting but only mentally. I walked from Arafat
to Muzdalifah to spend the night under the open sky. This is a journey of
sacrifices and fulfillment, of friendships where one would not expect, and of
great pleasure in simple acts.
10th Dhul Hajj, 1429
What a splendid day! The elation of having put my mind and body
through the severity, which cannot be imagined, voluntarily. Never in my life
did I think that such physical fatigue and control over one's desires and
sacrifice would bring happiness. The tiredness of walking from Arafat to
Muzdalifah, not sleeping but just absorbing Muzdalifah, walking to Mina,
stoning the Satan, back to Makkah for the Tawaf e Ziarat and Sae’e and finally
back to Mina - all in a day and a half has brought me peace of mind. What is
this spirit that Allah (swt) has breathed into His creation? What is it that
moves me to such heights of passion that I exert myself physically and mentally
thus with only one purpose – to gain Allah’s (swt) pleasure! EID MUBARAK!
11th Dhul Hajj, 1429
Rami (stoning the devil) is such a simple concept, just like
Islam is such a simple way of life. Why didn’t I realize this before? Islam
asks so little and gives so much, only if we let go of all the trappings that
have become our necessities. In Mina, I realized I didn’t need such a big
house, only one sufficient enough to accommodate my family with love and
tolerance. We don’t need two cars, just the two legs Allah (swt) has given us.
I don’t need three kinds of food at every meal, just enough to feed my family.
Stoned the devil, cast him out but yet so many layers that I
have to shed, before I reach the level of true submission. I have never slept
so well or as soundly, as I did today.
This was my Hajj experience. Actually, this does not do justice
to the overwhelming emotions, the unstoppable tears and the complete and utter
calm that descends over you after completing Hajj. It is truly the ‘Journey of
a Lifetime’! May Allah (swt) grant every Muslim the means and opportunity to
experience it. Ameen.
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