Uzma Rizvi defines anger and suggests the ways
for controlling this emotion.
Children retort back at their parents disrespectfully. Friends
argue and insult each other over trivial matters. Drivers gesture and abuse
other drivers for imagined or real traffic goof-ups. Scenarios, similar or
worse, are repeated in private and public places every day. Why is it that we
are often unable to control our anger, while our beloved Prophet (saw) kept
calm in times of personal injury or disrespect?
Narrated by Anas bin Malik (rta): “While I was walking with
the Prophet, who was wearing a Najrani outer garment with a thick hem, a
Bedouin came upon the Prophet and pulled his garment so violently that I
could recognize the impress of the hem of the garment on his shoulder, caused
by the violence of his pull. Then, the Bedouin said: ‘Order for me something from
Allah's fortune, which you have.’ The Prophet turned to him, smiled, and
ordered that a gift be given to him.” (Bukhari)
We flare up at the slightest affront. Are we so preoccupied
with our own self-worth that we cannot overlook personal inconvenience or
harm, while being totally indifferent to any disobedience of Allah’s (swt) commands?
Our anger is focused on serving only our own petty purposes.
In contrast is the way of Ali (rta), who during a fight was sitting on top of
a disbeliever and was about to strike him dead, when the disbeliever spat in
his face. Ali (rta) immediately stood up and spared him. When the perplexed
man asked Ali (rta) for the reason, Ali (rta) replied that since he had no
personal animosity towards him, had he killed him in a moment of anger for
his spitting, he would have killed him to settle a personal score.
For learning to manage our anger, let’s first see, what anger
is.
What is anger?
According to psychologists, it is a natural emotion. Dr.
Raymond Lloyd Richmond calls it “the wish for harm or bad or evil to come
upon someone, who - in your eyes - has injured you.”
Anger is an evil whisper of Shaitan; it pushes us to hurt
others and make them afraid, or makes them reciprocate in anger.
The intensity of anger varies from person to person. Although
anger is a natural emotion, it is dangerous to let it loose. Just as any
habit or behavior pattern can be learnt or unlearnt, so can anger.
Pre-planning
We must prepare to counter anger, when we are calm and
composed. Since anger is one of the ways the Shaitan manipulates our Nafs,
the first effective step is to become closer to Allah through the Quran and
the Sunnah. The more we strive to please Allah, the more Taqwa
(god-consciousness or fear of Allah (swt)) we will have. And the higher is a
person’s Taqwa, the more mastery he has over his Nafs.
Reminders
Remind yourself and others of the Quran and Hadeeths. Abu
Hurairah (rta) reported that a man said to the Prophet (saw): “Advise me.” He
said: “Do not become angry.” The man repeated his request several times, and
each time the Prophet (saw) told him: “Do not become angry.” (Bukhari)
Anger-control plan
(1) Seek refuge with Allah (swt). The Prophet
(saw) said: “If a man gets angry and says: ‘I seek refuge with Allah,’ his
anger will go away.” (Mishkat)
(2) Silence. At any time, when you feel anger surging,
slow down and start speaking very softly, slowly, and gently. Or keep quiet. The
Messenger of Allah (saw) said: “If any of you becomes angry, let him keep
silent.” (Ahmad)
(3) Forgiving completely. “…when they are angry, they forgive.” (Al-Shuraa
42:37) Developing the ability of forgiving needs practice. Often, forgiving
completely is the only salve for pain caused by others. We can try to erase
all the hurt from our hearts for the sake of Allah’s pleasure. Remind
yourself of the worst and most embarrassing incident of your life, for which
you would want to be forgiven. Our imperfection facilitates forgiving others.
(4) Developing self-control. Some argue
that showing anger is a way to vent our emotions. However, most of the time
when we express anger, it breeds more anger and makes us more agitated,
instead of calming us down. If we control the initial attack of anger, it
will become easier to stay collected.
“Research has shown that the ‘anger reflex’ lasts about one
second. Beyond that, the angry person is doing something else: choosing to
punish another person or vent personal frustrations - or perhaps that's how
he or she was taught to express anger.”
(5) Think of your responsibilities. As good
Muslims, we must care for the kind of environment we nurture for ourselves
and for those around us. One angry person makes tense the whole house,
office, or family. Sara let go of her anger habit by reminding herself that
she is the model for her kids. Khalid let go of his terrible road-rage by
realizing that his shouting and cursing could not be heard by other drivers
and simply made him tense.
(6) Think positive. When someone hurts you, think of something
good this person has done for you. When you feel anger at circumstances or at
nothing in particular, count all your blessings and look at the people more
disadvantaged than yourself. Remember that all bad and good time is the will
of Allah (swt).
(7) Do the positive. When angry, stressed, or frustrated, perform
Wudu, offer Salah, do Dhikr, read the Quran, take long deep breaths or
exercise.
(8) Make Dua. We cannot achieve any higher trait without
the help of Allah, so we must constantly ask Him to help us in controlling
and managing our anger.
(9) Avoid making others angry. Controlling
anger means not only to control your own anger but also to avoid behavior
that causes other people to become angry or hostile.
Avoid phrases and words that anger others, such as “Who do you
think you are?”, “You always do …”, “You never…”, etc. Speak softly and
calmly.
Ridiculing a person, calling names or leg pulling is hurtful
and makes people edgy. The Quran guides us: “O you who believe! Let not a
group scoff at another group, it may be that the latter are better than the
former; nor let (some) women scoff at other women, it may be that the latter
are better than the former, nor defame one another, nor insult one another by
nicknames.” (Al-Hujarat 49:11)
Do not discuss concerns and problems with people, when they or
you are tired, preoccupied, in a bad mood, or running late.
Arguing even if you are right is not recommended in Islam.
Reduce stress-inducing factors. Do one thing at a time, if you
feel burdened with work, learn to say ‘no’ if you lack time, or physical,
monetary, or mental energy to do something.
As emotion, anger is a test for us. We must not let it
overpower us. May Allah help us deal with anger in the best possible ways, so
that we earn Allah’s (swt) pleasure. Ameen.
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It is hard to believe that global mental health is the most ignored of all health areas. I agree with Dr. Ruston “In truth, global mental health is the most global of all health areas.”
ReplyDeleteI feel one of the reasons why global mental health is the most ignored of all health areas, is due primarily to the insurmountable amount of stigma both nationally (US) and globally!
This is truly sad because mental health is a brain illness; a biological brain disease; a neurobiological brain disorder; and it is no different than the highly accepted chronic illnesses such as diabetes, cancer, MS, etc.
Mental health is not a new illness! Mental health brain illnesses have afflicted all of mankind during all of our human time on earth. Yet, we seem to not be able to break through and break down simple barriers in mental health such as lack of awareness, acceptance, knowledge, education, support, sympathy, empathy; and social stigma!
As a Muslim, we are trying to help everyone, especially for those who need it. Part of sharing knowledge, we care about each other, as our Prophet to ask us to do (to be kind to all, without any bias or color).Try to work with your Muslim community if you do not understand what we are trying to help you. UNDER Yahya bin Mu'adh al-Razi, the devil does not work,WITH the people busy with work and various things. In fact, the devils always see people as people cannot see. People are often careless and forget the trap of the devil, but he has not forgotten the people.