Parents
hold enormous leverage in terms of what they teach their children and
accordingly how their children grow up as adults. Islam, therefore, hold
parents responsible for steering their children’s upbringing according to the
guidelines of the Quran and the Prophet’s (saw) traditions. The Prophet (saw)
said: “Allah (swt) will ask every caretaker about the people under his care,
and the man will be asked about the people of his household” (Nasa’i, Abu
Da’ud).
Allah
(swt) states in the Quran about the need to raise families in the light of
their end destination, which may be translated in the following words:
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your
families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are
(appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the
commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded” (Tahrim
66:6).
Children
have the right, therefore, to be raised as responsible Muslim adults, and
parents must ensure that right appropriately. Parents must be conscious and
take an active role in guiding their children and families on the path of truth.
Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: “Every one of your (people) is responsible, and
everyone is responsible for whatever falls under his responsibility. A man is
like a shepherd of his own family, and he is responsible for them” (Bukhari and
Muslim).
The
following are some of the critical areas related to raising children into
responsible Muslim adults:
Give the child a good name
Parents
have the responsibility to provide the child with a good name which is in
accordance with Islamic traditions. One of the hadith in this context is the
one narrated by Naafi’ that Ibn ‘Umar said: The Messenger of Allah (saw) said:
“The most beloved of your names to Allah are ‘Abd-Allah and ‘Abd al-Rahmaan”
(Narrated by Muslim, 2132).
Spend appropriately on your children
Parents,
and especially fathers, have the responsibility to spend on their children in
ways that can help their proper upbringing. It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allah ibn
‘Amr said: the Messenger of Allah (saw) said: “It is sufficient sin for a man
if he neglects those on whom he is obliged to spend” (Narrated by Abu
Dawood, 1692; classed as Sahan by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4481).
Another
Hadeeth in this context states that ‘Aa’ishah (rta), the wife of the Prophet
(saw), said: "A woman came to me with two daughters and asked me for food,
and I could not find anything except one date which I gave to her. She shared
it between her two daughters, then she got up and went out. The Prophet (saw)
came in and I told him what had happened. He said: “Whoever is in charge of any
of these girls and treats them well, they will be a shield for him against the
Fire”' (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5649; Muslim, 2629).
Treat your children fairly
All
children within a family have their own rights to be treated fairly. This right
was referred to by the Prophet (saw) in the Saheeh Hadeeth: “Fear Allah and
treat your children fairly” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2447; Muslim, 1623).
Parents
should not show undue preference to their children based on their gender or
other criteria. Unfair treatment can arouse a feeling of jealousy and hatred in
children that can continue for life and can also lead to bitterness in the
child’s heart toward the parents as well. The Prophet (saw) referred to this in
the Hadeeth narrated by Muslim (1623) when he said to the father of al-Nu’maan:
“Would you like them to honor you equally?” He said: “Yes.” In other words, if
you want them all to honor you equally, then be equally fair to all of them.
Even
about the inheritance that children are bound to receive from parents, Allah
(swt) has made it clear that it does not depend on the parents’ wishes but has
to be given according to the laws laid down in the Quran: “Allah commands you as regards your children’s
(inheritance)…” (An-Nisa 4:11).
Treat your children with love and mercy
Parents
have the obligation to show love and mercy to their children. This will help
children to develop normal and stable personalities and will also make it
easier for children to love and respect their parents and elders when they grow
up. Seeing the Prophet (saw) kissing his grandson, a person named Alaqr’a Ibn
Habis found this behavior strange and said: “I have ten children, but I have
never kissed any of them.” The Prophet (saw) replied: “The one who has no
compassion will not be treated mercifully” (Bukhari and At-Tirmidhi).
Your children deserve the right to proper education and
upbringing
One
of the most important facets of raising children is for the parents to provide
them with the right training. According to Islamic traditions, the best gift
that parents can provide to their children is training that can help them live
as responsible Muslim adults fulfilling the rights of Allah (swt) and others.
This, then, can lead them to succeed in the hereafter as well. The Prophet
(saw) said: “The best gift to children from parents is their correct training”
(Tirmidhi).
Educating
children in such a way that they can be successful both in this life and the
hereafter should be the supreme responsibility of parents. In today’s world,
while it is common to see parents focus on the kind of education that can help
them toward building the right careers and in making a living, the focus on
Islamic education rarely gets its due focus. Depriving children of proper
Islamic teachings can prevent children from building a close relationship with
their Creator Allah (swt), which is the cornerstone of all success in this life
and the hereafter. A good religious education grounded in love of their Lord,
on the contrary, can help them live a more peaceful life, deal with life’s
challenges easily and maturely, and fulfill the rights and obligations of all
around them (including the parents themselves), leading the children to grow up
as better citizens of their communities and making them an integral part of the
overall Muslim Ummah.
The
following provide some of the key responsibilities of the parents in terms of
raising and training their children:
Inculcating the concept of “La Ilaha Illa-Allah” and Huquq
Allah (Rights of Allah)
Parents
should inculcate in their children the correct ‘Aqeedah of the oneness of Allah
(swt), followed by all religious acts of worship that are needed for them to
get close to Allah (swt). This involves teaching children all rights of Allah
(swt), which can come by children fully understanding the concepts of Tawheed.
The principles of Tawheed should never be taken lightly because they mark the
boundaries of entering Islam.
Mu`âdh
bin Jabal relates that the Prophet (saw) said to him: “O Mu`âdh! Do you know
what is Allah’s right over His servants and what their right is over Him?” I
said: “Allah and His Messenger know best.” He said: “Allah’s right over His
servants is that they worship Him without associating any partner with Him in
worship, and their right over Him is that He does not punish anyone who
worships Him without associating any partner with Him in worship” (Sahîh
al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim).
Eeman
(belief/faith) in Allah (swt) comprises of the following distinct concepts that
parents must strive to teach their children:
1. Faith
(Eeman) in the Existence of Allah (swt): This refers to believing in Allah
(swt) – not just any God but specifically Allah (swt) as the supreme being of
this universe and all that exists in this universe.
2. Faith
(Eeman) in the Rububiyah (Lordship) of Allah (swt): This refers to believing
in Allah (swt) as the true Lord of this universe and as the controller of all
aspects of this universe.
3. Faith
(Eeman) in the Uluhiyyah (Worship) of Allah (swt): This refers to singling
out only Allah (swt) as the One Who is worthy of any worship.
4. Faith
(Eeman) in al-Asma was-Sifat (the names and attributes) of Allah (swt):
This refers to belief in Allah’s (swt) names and attributes.
Believing
and living life on the concepts of Tawheed not only can lead to ultimate
salvation, it can also nurture the love of Allah (swt) in the children’s hearts
at an early age, which is the essence of our relationship with Allah (swt). The
Quran also gives us examples where prophets and the righteous stressed the
importance of fulfilling the rights of Allah (swt) to their children. As an
example, Luqman (as) provided the following instructions to his son as
mentioned in the Quran by Allah (swt):
“And (remember) when Luqmaan said to his son
when he was advising him: “O my son! Join not in worship others with Allah.
Verily, joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed”
(Luqmaan 31:13).
As
part of this training, parents should also ensure that they train their
children on all the rituals of worship including the five times obligatory
prayers, fasting, charity, Hajj, reciting Quran, and so on. A Hadeeth in this
context clarifies this concept where Mu’adh ibn Jabal narrated: “I said to
Allah’s Messenger (saw): 'Inform me about an act which would entitle me to get
into Paradise, and remove me away from Hell-Fire.' He (the Prophet) said: 'You
have asked me about a matter (which ostensibly appears to be) difficult but it
is easy to those for whom Allah, the Exalted, has made it easy. Worship Allah
and do not associate anything with him, establish prayer, pay the Zakat,
observe the fast of Ramadan and perform Hajj to the (sacred) House (Ka’bah).'”
Teaching children about Huqul-Ibad (rights of other fellow
beings)
Huqul-Ibad
is about respecting the rights of others and especially understanding others’
rights from an Islamic standpoint. A concise description of fulfilling both
Huqooq Allah and Huqooqul Ibaad is found in the following verse:
“Worship Allah and join none with Him in
worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masakin (the poor), the
neighbor who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by
your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands
possess. Verily, Allah does not like such as are proud and boastful"
(An-Nisa 4:36).
For
example, children raised in certain non-Muslim cultures may not develop the
same respect for parents and elders as mandated in Islam. Children should,
therefore, be taught to be respectful and dutiful to their parents, maintain
good relations with relatives, and neighbors. Children should also be warned
against picking up habits that can lead to disrespecting others. These include
backbiting, slandering, lying and abusing others.
Helping children to choose their role models
Role
models help people to model their behavior and character after those
personalities. Parents should, therefore, help their children choose their role
models wisely. When teaching about Islam and its teachings, parents should help
their children learn about the lives of the prophets, especially Prophet
Muhammad (saw), Sahaba (the Prophet’s companions, such as Abu Bakar (rta), Umar
(rta), and so on),Tabieen (the ones who followed the Sahaba), other Salaf (the
likes of Hassan al-Basri, Muhammad ibn Sirin, Umar Ibn Abdul-Aziz, Ahmad bin Hanbal,
etc.), and early Islamic scholars such as Ibne-Taymiyyah, Ibn Al-Qayyim, Ibn
Katheer, and so on.
Learning
about these personalities of Islam, who actualized the teachings of Islam, can
help children learn from their knowledge and appreciate the relationship that
those individuals developed with Allah (swt) and how they lived exemplary
lives. While it may be difficult to teach children about each one of them,
parents should at a minimum introduce these personalities to their children and
how such personalities achieved high status within Islamic circles. Planting
the seeds of respect for such personalities at an early age in your children’s
hearts will make it easier for them to seek out more knowledge about these
personalities of Islam when they get older.
Teach your children skills that lead to earning only Halal
(legal)
Parents
should spend their time, effort, and resources to help their children make the
right choices for earning a living. In doing so, parents should stress the need
for their children to pursue career paths that can provide them solely with
Halal (legal) living. Islam places enormous emphasis on this subject and these
teachings are clearly stated both in the Quran and Hadeeth. In one case, the
Prophet (saw) said: “…Purify your food, your supplication will be accepted. By
the one in whose hand lays the life of Muhammad, verily a servant places a
morsel of Haram in his stomach (and as a result) forty days of worship will not
be accepted from him.” (Recorded by Imam Tabrani)
In
another narration, it is narrated that an angel at Bayt al-Maqdis proclaims
every day and night: “Whosoever consumes unlawful (haram) food, Allah Most High
will not accept his obligatory (Fard) and voluntary worship.” (See: al-Kaba’ir
of Imam Dhahabi)
Teaching children knowledge of the Quran
In
addition to teaching your children recitation of the Quran, knowledge of the
Quran will help your children to think beyond the mundane matters of this life
and instead develop elevated thinking that can enable them to ponder about
critical issues that can help them reconcile the many confusing ideologies that
the world will throw at them as they grow up. Getting them to start thinking
about the reasons of their existence, their day to day struggles, and where the
world is heading to will make them become more prudent in terms of their life’s
priorities.
Consider
that once when in Madinah, the Prophet (saw) had to send a group to Yemen for
teaching new Muslims there about Islam. The Prophet (saw) picked Mu’adh bin
Jabal (rta) as their leader (even though Muadh was very young – perhaps in his
early twenties). The Prophet (saw) said: “The most knowledgeable of my Ummah
(community) in matters of Halal and Haram is Mu’adh bin Jabal (rta).” This
shows that knowledge of Quran had expanded the horizons of Muadh to such an
extent that the Prophet (s) himself picked him as a leader for an important
expedition.
Teaching children Islamic morals and characters
Besides
teaching children the rituals of worship and the rights of individuals,
children should be taught Islamic morals, characters, and etiquette from an
early age so that it becomes part of their habits. Children should be taught
the principles of humility, tolerance, patience, and other such behavioral
traits. These personality traits can help any individual tremendously in their
lives. For example, teach them about patience and tolerance and dealing with
tough situations, and they will be thankful to you for the rest of their lives.
Those of us who struggle in life by not having properly learned such conduct
may also very well know their value. Children can learn such conduct by
learning Hadeeth as well as learning about the lives of the Prophet (saw) and
his companions.
Provide your children a healthy environment for their
upbringing
Training
children so that they can grow up to become responsible citizens requires that
parents actively maintain an atmosphere at home that is conducive to positive
learning and upbringing. This, therefore, requires that parents, too, model
their lives according to the Islamic way of life. Children can get conflicting
messages and thus can get confused when they do not see parents and elders
following the instructions that they give to them, or when out of excessive love
for them, parents become so indulgent that they turn a blind eye to their sins
and fail in checking them.
It
is well known that children who are raised in households where argumentation,
fighting, and abuse abound, not only learn less but are more prone to develop
personality disorders. There is plenty of research that shows that the serious
problems of adolescents, including drug abuse, school failure, delinquency and
violence, have grown to tragic proportions in part because of the deteriorating
environments in which young people are raised.
Conclusion
Parents
should put in their best efforts to ensure that their children become true
inheritors of Islam, and to keep Islam alive in their lives and their families’
lives after their death. Parental efforts are, therefore, quite instrumental in
inculcating the love of Islam and the desire to worship in the right manner.
Parents should also recognize that raising good children can be a source of
their salvation in the hereafter. This is because if parents raise good
Allah-fearing children, those children can constantly pray to Allah (swt) for
their parents after their death. The Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: “Upon death,
man’s deeds will stop except for three deeds, namely: a continuous charitable
fund, endowment or goodwill; knowledge left for people to benefit from; and a
pious righteous and God-fearing child who continuously prays to Allah, for the
souls of his parents” (Muslim).
Finally,
let’s not forget that fulfilling the rights of the individuals prescribed by
Allah (swt) is part of the limits set by Allah (swt) that should be taken
seriously. Allah (swt) states thus in the Quran:
"And treat not the Verses (Laws) of Allah as a jest,
but remember Allah’s favors on you (i.e. Islam), and that which He has sent
down to you of the Book (i.e. the Qur’an) and Al-Hikmah (the Prophet’s Sunnah –
legal ways – Islamic jurisprudence) whereby He instructs you. And fear Allah,
and know that Allah is all-aware of everything Quran" (Al-Baqarah 2:231).
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Courtesy:
IqraSense.com -
http://www.iqrasense.com/muslim-character/raising-children-in-islam-how-to-raise-children-into-responsible-muslim-adults.html
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